Nostalgia's a silly bitch.

I meant to write about this earlier, but decided that I preferred two smaller posts to one gargantuan post of doom.

Student Council had an Eggs & Orgs rehearsal Wednesday evening; early (naturally), I made my way through the ResHalls and toward Pepper Canyon Hall very slowly, taking in the aftermath of Move-In, watching the first-years interact with one another - and getting hit by one giant wave of nostalgia and regret.
Matters were not aided any when I encountered a number of RAs gathering to go out to eat. Such a huge part of me wanted to be one of them again, and not because I missed the people, not because I missed the friendships I made, but because I missed that level of involvement. I missed being a fairly important part of the first-year's college experience. I missed the job.
I didn't think I'd regret my decision at all; for a while, I was bitter enough to be thrilled that I declined the alternate position. But for that moment, I sorely regretted that act of pride.
Eggs & Orgs didn't help matters much. I joked lightly with some friends of mine that this was my most uninvolved Orientation since my first year, and it's true - I have very little to do with Orientation activities this time around. And it showed at Eggs & Orgs - I was bored. I wanted more to do, I wanted more tasks. I wanted more involvement.
I'm wearing such a different Student Life hat this year, and something tells me that it doesn't quite fit.
But even with the nostalgia, even with the regret, I still wouldn't return to ResLife. Call it pride, if you will - I do - but I could and still can not stand the idea of returning as only second-best, especially after a year in which I gave my job everything I had. To be an alternate was just a slap in the face, and I very proudly rejected the offer. And if I had the chance to do it over, I would. In a heartbeat.
Trying to understand myself now, I realize that I don't even regret the decision I made, nor am I so bitter anymore. And in the long run, being relieved of the RA duties (I remember every horrible aspect as well as I do the good) will be a pleasure. But Welcome Week is going to sting like hell.
I was part of the winning team at Unolympics, last year. This year will be the first time I won't take any part of it at all. I won't be present at any of the other Welcome Week activities either, I don't think. My heart isn't in it, even while it's so desperate to be.

Anyway, such musings have me in a rather agitated mood, at the moment. These thoughts, combined with other... intriguing revelations have made me restless.
Did you know that it's kind of difficult liking someone if you aren't sure if they're single? Or straight?

Such thoughts of mine have robbed me of sleep for the past couple of hours. I was sleepy, not too long ago.

listening to: "This ain't a scene, it's an arms race" - Fallout Boy