A change in the winds

It's funny. When I posted my previous entry, I was looking through my labels for "sick" and I thought to myself, I haven't had cabin fever recently. That's something.

Lo and behold - cabin fever strikes only a couple of hours later.

Side note: I was originally going to write "only an hour later" but then I realized I wasn't sure what time I had posted the "Blargh" entry. I thought about writing "just a short time later" but it was too vague. So of course I had to look at my blog and see what time I had posted. OCD.

Back on track now.

Basically - I feel a change in the winds. Once again, I'm struck by that familiar sensation of restlessness. I need something new, I need something exciting and fun, I need change.

I want to meet new people, but first - I want to remember how. It's been so long since I've actually tried to go out and make new friends, and I've been through so many casual and false friendships, that I've found myself suddenly at a loss. Trust me - this is as weird for me as it is for you.

Throughout my college experience, I made a lot of new friends through various activities. As an OL, as an RA, and as a Student Council member, I met and befriended lots of people.

I'm not actually friends with these people any longer.

It's amazing how people can feel so close to one another, how they can bond through shared experiences, and then drop one another like a hat after the experience is over. It shows, I suppose, that they just didn't have anything real in common with one another.

Also, I have to acknowledge that I've made some errors in judgment in the past, and held onto toxic friendships for longer than I ought to have, for the sake of shared experiences (and in one particular case, I was in love with the damn bastard). That doesn't help.

So now I need to refresh my people-skills and put them to the test. Nothing's wrong with my current group of friends, really. I simply need to branch out. I've always loved having a wide circle of friends and acquaintances with different backgrounds and histories - I'm looking for some of that now.

Finally, I need to do things with me. I sense that some soul-searching is in order - I need to sort through my baggage and put everything in their respective places, I need to think about what I want out of this one life on earth (and hope that I come back as a cat), and I need to figure out how to get what I want on my own, independent of my family.

Anyway. Those of you who have stuck with me this long are probably all aware that this is something that just happens to me periodically. I can't say it's nothing to do with you, because that would imply that you don't actually mean anything to me and my life. It's just life in general that occasionally grabs a hold of me and tells me to consider what the hell I'm doing now, where I'm going next, and just who I've been and who I want to be. Bear with me, okay? I don't think this one will last long. It's important that I do this. It's just me and how I function.

Just a rolling stone, picking up some moss.