On January 1, 2011 I vowed to start writing again. This vow was a part of my overall New Year’s Resolution – to seek personal enrichment. I want a rich life – a life rich with positive experiences, happiness, and personal satisfaction.
Writing more frequently will play an important part in seeing personal enrichment, I think. I used to love writing, but after I graduated from college I fell out of the habit, to the point where I’ve lost both my touch and my words. The vocabulary will come back, but will the voice?
I’ll start small. I’ve got my personal journal for personal reflections, I’ve got my anonymous blogs for private yet public musings, and I’ve got this blog for charting my every-day affairs. I think I’ll aim for weekly posts, for two reasons: I need to establish a regular routine and I need to remember everything that happens.
“Everything” might be a bit broad, but the fact of the matter is that I’m slipping. My memory used to be quite excellent, but these days it’s become a bit faulty. Jessica and I went over our 2010 calendars last night, and there were events written down that I just plain could not remember. And I didn’t write down any of the particulars in my journal, either. This simply won’t do.
So that’s a starting place – describing my weekly adventures, or lack thereof. And who knows what will unfold with the new year?
Showing posts with label resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label resolutions. Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Auld lang syne
What the hell does that mean, anyway - "auld lang syne"? Someone, explain that phrase to me.
In the meantime, it's a brand new year and I have a few brand-new resolutions. I have to write these down, else I'll be lulled into forgetfulness - which marks the beginning of my list.
1. I'd like to work on being a bit less absentminded. I keep a countless number of lists, I file my life into neat folders and notebooks, and I have at least 3 calendars - yet I still managed to be a complete and utter ditz at incredibly inopportune moments. I don't quite know how to cure this problem of mine, but I intend to work on it this year.
2. Graduate with straight As in the final quarters of my college career. I'm dragging my GPA up a point at a time, but by God it's going up.
3. Save money. I'm broke.
4. Drink more water - I turn too quickly to soda and coffee (face it - they taste better than water. They taste like something, for one. All that sugar in soda and caffeine in coffee (no sugar, just non-fat milk!) is terribly unhealthy, though, so this is the first of my health-related resolutions.
5. As healthy as I may be, I could be healthier, and part of that inevitable requires exercise. *sigh* I'm incredibly lazy - I don't even walk to the mall to get on the bus for school, and it's right across the street! Ridiculous. So, in order to ramp up my routine and get into the best shape of my life since I was in elementary school, I'm going to take up jogging. I also plan on bringing my bike down to San Diego, when I get the chance.
6. I'd like to intern at newsstations during my last quarters as well, and hopefully I'll have a job offer when I'm a graduate. I want to work for a year, to save money (see resolution 3), then get into a good grad school, such as NYU, Columbia, Berkeley, or Boston - all schools with top journalism programs.
7. Finally - I need to stp blaming my family for all the pain and heartache I've suffered throughout my 21 years and some odd months of life. It's not fair, that I was the child of a loveless, unhealthy marriage. It's not fair, that my mother should choose to reveal details of her unhappy 28 years of matrimony, which she stuck with for the sake of her children. I shouldn't have to know this.
But, I do. I also know that life is unfair, and that's that. I can't continue life the way I've lived it all these years, afraid of attachments, for fear of the pain it may bring me. I know that part of it is the lifestyle I was raised in, but I can't let the past affect my future this badly. There are some memories that I've only begun recalling, very painful memories that'd I'd rather not revisit. I haven't entirely forgiven my family for a lot of shit I've gone through.
But I'll never forget the love and support they've given to me, either.
I should also break out of this vicious cycle, and stop falling for guys who only break my heart. That could be hard, though - I'm prone to making bad choices and exercising poor taste.
Anyway - long story short, I aim to get healthy, in all aspects of life, in 2008. Here's to me!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Anal-retentive habits and long-term goals
I am so anal-retentive that I looked up "anal-retention" and "anal-retentiveness" to make sure that neither of those were terms.
I am so anal-retentive that, when surfing the web, I carefully go through websites so that similar topics are open in neighboring tabs. I am currently writing this post in a tab sandwiched between two different ESPN pages, and it irritates me that I didn't open a new tab instead. Bother.
Anyway, the point of this post was not to belabor my over-attentive consideration of minor (but annoying when not carried out correctly) details. I meant to write a few notes on goals and plans for my future, jotting them down before I forget - another aspect of my anal-retentive character, actually. I HAVE to write down important notes to myself for fear of forgetting them later. The number of emails I've sent to myself, only to read an hour later... I don't know that I'd forget that I need lettuce within 60 minutes, but I'll write it down anyway, just in case.
But I digress.
I've been re-thinking my future goals. I've been planning a career in journalism for quite some time now, but I must admit - I don't read any newspaper regularly, nor do I tune in to the nightly news. Could it be that I am not actually interested in the news? That I'm pursuing the wrong profession, and will look back upon my time in college as a complete and utter waste? Or am I on the right path, but just being lazy?
Hence, the goals - I plan on reading The New York Times regularly for as long as I can stand it; I will try for an internship at The San Diego Union Tribune; I will attempt to write for The UCSD Guardian. And if this doesn't excite my interest, then I will conclude that journalism isn't meant for one such as I, and pursue the editorship of something else - probably a fashion magazine, or something related to pop culture and fashion.
I've always wanted to do something with my life, to be something. I've envisioned myself as first an investigative journalist, then managing editor, and then perhaps the executive editor of a news station or newspaper, but what if I've only seen this for myself because of lofty and foolish ambition? What if my personal enjoyment, which is so crucial to my work ethic (I can't do something well if I can't enjoy it), doesn't manifest in the news?
Let's just hope I didn't put this off for too long. I don't care so much about disappointing others (family, for example) as I do hurting my chances for future happiness and success. One life, as far as I know.
One life.
I am so anal-retentive that, when surfing the web, I carefully go through websites so that similar topics are open in neighboring tabs. I am currently writing this post in a tab sandwiched between two different ESPN pages, and it irritates me that I didn't open a new tab instead. Bother.
Anyway, the point of this post was not to belabor my over-attentive consideration of minor (but annoying when not carried out correctly) details. I meant to write a few notes on goals and plans for my future, jotting them down before I forget - another aspect of my anal-retentive character, actually. I HAVE to write down important notes to myself for fear of forgetting them later. The number of emails I've sent to myself, only to read an hour later... I don't know that I'd forget that I need lettuce within 60 minutes, but I'll write it down anyway, just in case.
But I digress.
I've been re-thinking my future goals. I've been planning a career in journalism for quite some time now, but I must admit - I don't read any newspaper regularly, nor do I tune in to the nightly news. Could it be that I am not actually interested in the news? That I'm pursuing the wrong profession, and will look back upon my time in college as a complete and utter waste? Or am I on the right path, but just being lazy?
Hence, the goals - I plan on reading The New York Times regularly for as long as I can stand it; I will try for an internship at The San Diego Union Tribune; I will attempt to write for The UCSD Guardian. And if this doesn't excite my interest, then I will conclude that journalism isn't meant for one such as I, and pursue the editorship of something else - probably a fashion magazine, or something related to pop culture and fashion.
I've always wanted to do something with my life, to be something. I've envisioned myself as first an investigative journalist, then managing editor, and then perhaps the executive editor of a news station or newspaper, but what if I've only seen this for myself because of lofty and foolish ambition? What if my personal enjoyment, which is so crucial to my work ethic (I can't do something well if I can't enjoy it), doesn't manifest in the news?
Let's just hope I didn't put this off for too long. I don't care so much about disappointing others (family, for example) as I do hurting my chances for future happiness and success. One life, as far as I know.
One life.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
When I think about cheating
"Oh, and I'll vent in my LJ as well, so you'll have advance warning of the Hanna Hurricane. Trust me, it'll blow over - one big storm and it's done and gone. You only have to really worry when the storm starts off as a light rain, and doesn't leave. Then it'll build up, it'll grow, and it'll destroy whatever is nearby. But don't worry - those are few and far between."
I wrote this early in fall quarter, after one of the rare Hurricane Hannas had blown through. Hurricane Hannas come by every now and then, but not often, and they pass through with relatively little harm done.
This right now, though, is no hurricane. It's an even rarer event. The irritation and frustration grows layer by layer, until it's strong enough to be cut down and used as a battering ram against my well-fortified walls. These protective barriers, however, stand no chance against this brute force, the ram wielded by Anger.
Once the walls have fallen, a whirlwind of emotion ensues - I am impassioned, violent, loud - and it leaves me drained. I shout to make myself heard, but in the very few times that this type of storm has occurred, my voice has fallen on deaf ears.
When the emotional cyclone ceases, it leaves me utterly exhausted, but the storm hasn't ended yet. I now methodically pick through the aftermath, salvaging what remains are still useful, and leaving the rest for dead. I close in on myself, I retreat, and I soul-search. Skies are brooding and gray; light rainfall lasts all throughout.
When I finally emerge, I'm resolved.
These storms never occur unprovoked. The only two times they've passed, I've ended up losing friends. Actually, I won't call it "losing" - it's more like putting to rest good, fond memories, and extracting myself from a situation before too many bad memories take their place.
The storm's come and gone. Salvageable is my good cheer, my optimism, and my capacity to love. Broken beyond repair are two very different relationships.
While I will still enjoy the company of these people, I don't think we'll ever be great friends. Without the presence of one, the other and I aren't capable of conversation. In the past few weeks, very rarely have I been with the two of them and NOT felt the part of complete outsider.
I can do so much better than that.
During a chat I had with my supervisor, I came to the realization that these two and I aren't ever going to be close friends. And I've come to terms with that. I'll treasure the good times, and I'll (eventually, but not right now) enjoy being in their presence, but I don't think that we'll have anything beyond a friendly working relationship.
And I've come to terms with that.
---
EDIT: "At this rate." That phrase could be added to the ending or beginning of most of my above sentences. At this rate, I'll no longer want to be their friend. Our friendship is irreparable at this rate. But what I haven't yet given up on is building something better. Is that still possible?
I think so, and I'm willing to try.
At this rate, anyway.
---
"When I think about cheating" by Gretchen Wilson
I wrote this early in fall quarter, after one of the rare Hurricane Hannas had blown through. Hurricane Hannas come by every now and then, but not often, and they pass through with relatively little harm done.
This right now, though, is no hurricane. It's an even rarer event. The irritation and frustration grows layer by layer, until it's strong enough to be cut down and used as a battering ram against my well-fortified walls. These protective barriers, however, stand no chance against this brute force, the ram wielded by Anger.
Once the walls have fallen, a whirlwind of emotion ensues - I am impassioned, violent, loud - and it leaves me drained. I shout to make myself heard, but in the very few times that this type of storm has occurred, my voice has fallen on deaf ears.
When the emotional cyclone ceases, it leaves me utterly exhausted, but the storm hasn't ended yet. I now methodically pick through the aftermath, salvaging what remains are still useful, and leaving the rest for dead. I close in on myself, I retreat, and I soul-search. Skies are brooding and gray; light rainfall lasts all throughout.
When I finally emerge, I'm resolved.
These storms never occur unprovoked. The only two times they've passed, I've ended up losing friends. Actually, I won't call it "losing" - it's more like putting to rest good, fond memories, and extracting myself from a situation before too many bad memories take their place.
The storm's come and gone. Salvageable is my good cheer, my optimism, and my capacity to love. Broken beyond repair are two very different relationships.
While I will still enjoy the company of these people, I don't think we'll ever be great friends. Without the presence of one, the other and I aren't capable of conversation. In the past few weeks, very rarely have I been with the two of them and NOT felt the part of complete outsider.
I can do so much better than that.
During a chat I had with my supervisor, I came to the realization that these two and I aren't ever going to be close friends. And I've come to terms with that. I'll treasure the good times, and I'll (eventually, but not right now) enjoy being in their presence, but I don't think that we'll have anything beyond a friendly working relationship.
And I've come to terms with that.
---
EDIT: "At this rate." That phrase could be added to the ending or beginning of most of my above sentences. At this rate, I'll no longer want to be their friend. Our friendship is irreparable at this rate. But what I haven't yet given up on is building something better. Is that still possible?
I think so, and I'm willing to try.
At this rate, anyway.
---
"When I think about cheating" by Gretchen Wilson
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Change
Right now, I've either got to see some positive changes taking effect, or I've got to throw everything to hell and stop caring.
I sincerely hope it's the former, but if it comes down to the second option, then so be it. One way or another, I cannot have such negative, draining influences in my life and stay sane (relatively speaking). Things are going to change, no matter what.
I'll do whatever I can to try and fix this, but I can only do so much before I'm forced to give up entirely for the sake of my sanity. And I'm going to go nuts a helluva lot faster if I don't see any reciprocated action.
I think we're all trying, but I could be wrong. I'm trying. I'm trying to have conversations, I'm trying to honestly speak my mind. I'm honestly fine with having more uncomfortable discussions about feelings and emotions if it'll lead to a stronger, better foundation. Rome wasn't built in a day, after all.
I won't be neutral, either. I'm not going to play Geneva, here. I have way too much invested in this to remain above and distanced from all of this. I care too much about the people, and I care too much about my own feelings to play mediator, and I don't think that was understood from the beginning. How can I be neutral when this whole thing revolves around my friendships? How is that possible of anyone? I don't want to neglect any relationships, and if that means that I lose my neutrality, then fine. I never wanted that kind of status in the first place. And after all, that was part of how this all started - neglect of attention, neglect of honesty. So why anyone would think that I'm trying to remain the third party here is absolutely incomprehensible. Honestly, how does that appeal to ANYONE'S sense of logic?
Anyway. This situation is affecting everything in my life right now, and none of the effects are positive. It's hindering my performance at my job and as an RA, it's corroding my relationships with all of my different groups of friends. I can't have that in my life.
I sincerely hope it's the former, but if it comes down to the second option, then so be it. One way or another, I cannot have such negative, draining influences in my life and stay sane (relatively speaking). Things are going to change, no matter what.
I'll do whatever I can to try and fix this, but I can only do so much before I'm forced to give up entirely for the sake of my sanity. And I'm going to go nuts a helluva lot faster if I don't see any reciprocated action.
I think we're all trying, but I could be wrong. I'm trying. I'm trying to have conversations, I'm trying to honestly speak my mind. I'm honestly fine with having more uncomfortable discussions about feelings and emotions if it'll lead to a stronger, better foundation. Rome wasn't built in a day, after all.
I won't be neutral, either. I'm not going to play Geneva, here. I have way too much invested in this to remain above and distanced from all of this. I care too much about the people, and I care too much about my own feelings to play mediator, and I don't think that was understood from the beginning. How can I be neutral when this whole thing revolves around my friendships? How is that possible of anyone? I don't want to neglect any relationships, and if that means that I lose my neutrality, then fine. I never wanted that kind of status in the first place. And after all, that was part of how this all started - neglect of attention, neglect of honesty. So why anyone would think that I'm trying to remain the third party here is absolutely incomprehensible. Honestly, how does that appeal to ANYONE'S sense of logic?
Anyway. This situation is affecting everything in my life right now, and none of the effects are positive. It's hindering my performance at my job and as an RA, it's corroding my relationships with all of my different groups of friends. I can't have that in my life.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
An auspicious beginning
aus-pi-cious
adj.
1. Attended by favorable circumstances; propitious.
2. Marked by success; prosperous.
It's not that 2007 is looking any better or worse than the last 20 New Year's Days I've lived through (NOTHING takes the cake quite like Y2K); it's simply just that today promises a new beginning for tomorrow. It's only 12:36am on New Year's Eve as I write this, but in less than 24 hours it will be a new day and a new year - and time for a new beginning. Any time I get a chance to start over is a good time.
Though, in all actuality, "start over" isn't exactly the right word for it. What would better serve my purposes... hmm... Perhaps it's like hitting the "refresh" button. No, then that leads to the trouble of returning to the same screen. "Ctrl-alt-del" isn't quite right either. 2006 hasn't quite imploded on me (though it still has a little over 23 hours to try).
Perhaps it's like opening a new tab in my browser. The other stuff I've been looking at is still there, but the new page is delightfully blank and ready to go wherever my fingers choose.
Dunno why I'm fixated on computer-y analogies, but that's as good as any that I'll come up with at the moment.
I've digressed.
The point is, 2007 has nothing written in stone. Not yet, at any rate. Right now, 2007 looks pleasantly unchartered and full of potential, and where I go during the year, and what I'll do, is yet unwritten. I rather like that uncertainty. I've acknowledged the horrid degree to which I suffer from indecisiveness, but in this one scenario, not knowing has never looked better. For now, I'm still able to imagine all the places I can explore, the lessons I'll seek, the sorrows I'll bear. It's a freedom of sorts.
In the meantime, I've written some resolutions. They're a little more specific, this time around, which means (hopefully) that I'll remember and stick to them.
My health: As much as I abhor the gym, and as wonderful as my youthful metabolism is, I must face facts - I am in a sad state of health, and my way of burning through the food I consume won't last forever. I'm not about to diet - FUCK THAT - but I do recognize that I should be drinking more water, eating more veggies, and getting more exercise than just walking to and from class. KLo and I are reviving our gym dates - and, incidentally, this is a good way to kill two metaphorical birds with one stone.
My friends: I greatly neglected my dearest friends from my first to years of college, KLo and Fadiya (the duo!), and I've resolved to rectify that mistake. Working out with KLo is one way; fleeing to their beautiful off-campus condo when I'm in need of a break is another. I also want to take Octavia up on her lunch and dinner offers. She regularly texts all the RAs to ask if they'd care to eat with her at a dining hall other than Foodworx or at Price Center, and I want to join her on this occasions.
My work: LJS&C is dull. I've not been learning anything new since my first two months at the job. However, this does not mean that I should be surfing through webcomics or creating blogs when I have things to do. If I've run through my in-tray, then I can file, or ask Diane (my new boss) for something to do. That said, I'm going to quit at the end of the season. I'm simply not growing in any positive direction, and, frankly, I'm bored. I'm aiming for another internship this summer, and then a new job come fall (unless I RA again. Should I take that route, then I simply won't work at all).
There was one another resolution listed in my journal (which is where I wrote these originally) but I don't think I'll go into it here.
---
I've noticed that a lot of people import their blogs to Facebook. I've been toying with the idea of doing that, but then I realized that these very thoughts would be broadcasted to a vast number of people I know by name and face, many of whom I interact with on a daily basis. I'd rather not have some of these notions I've "penned" so far-flung across the vast internet frontier. Not that blogger provides any more anonymity, but at least the strangers stumbling across my blog are exactly that - strangers. (The ones who've been reading my rants and raves for about a year now - you don't count. You've read some of my most and least personal entries across several blogs; I no longer worry what you think when you read what I write. And I mean that in a good way. Besides, ever since I've had my feed removed, I've noticed that only a certain number of you still read my writings. The preceding comments are directed to that small handful. If you were/are of #sdcolleges and still read my blog, let me know. I'm curious, and grateful.)
I'm a very personal blogger. I do a lot of introspection, a lot of ranting - sometimes, I treat my blog like the free therapy I've oftentimes suggested that it is. Nik, actually, very recently posted an entry about some arrogant idiot proclaiming that feelings and emotions are not fodder for blog thoughts - who was this self-righteous prick, and what gives him the right to declare what a person is to do with his or her blog? My God, you asshole - blogs are free for a reason. Any self-serving dunce with regular access to the internet can, and probably does, own a blog. Are you trying to control what everyone writes, because I heartily scoff such brazen STUPIDITY. I don't know who you are, because Nik was too much of a gentleman to name you, but if you aren't being that irrational, then what are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to curtail your friends' self-expressions, then? Because, if anything, that's no less stupid and a lot more heartless than trying to prescribe blog standards for the entire fucking world. I don't give a flying fuck how other people utilize their blogs - pay that same respect to me and mine.
Grow up, not down, fool.
Ranting aside, it's stuff like this that I don't want just anyone reading. Once again, I realize that just about anyone CAN read this. Let me take you back to my first post - I lie, and I lie easily and frequently, and the closer you are to me, physically and emotionally, the more likely that I need to lie to you. Quite a few of my friendships have relied on me maintaining some sort of facade or another (and still do), and I don't want those masks cracked - not that this moment in time, anyway, and not by the mere acquaintances that I have in abundance on Facebook. They need to do a little more work to be privileged with the sarcastic, dry, and oftentimes angry blogs that I maintain.
I do give my personal blog's url on my Facebook. However, I presume that only the extremely bored or the extremely caring will venture into my blogging forays. The bored will be scared off by my excessive use of fuck, shit, damn, and every other oath I can think of during my moments of heightened creativity. The extremely caring might discover a cache of secrets that I tend to keep secret from everyone except those who I think are capable of understanding me (and from you, I keep my secrets hidden in my personal journal. Like the resolution I didn't list up there, for example). And from the bored and caring, I may actually glean a few friends who are interested in digging underneath the underneath (once again - my thanks, Kakashi) - and I welcome those friends with my arms wide open.
They'll have to imagine the arms part; I've yet to contrive a passable way of hugging via internet. {hug ____ }, /me hugs, and <(^_^)> just don't suffice.
---
Didn't mean to rant nearly so much, but there you are, that ridiculous know-it-all be damned.
adj.
1. Attended by favorable circumstances; propitious.
2. Marked by success; prosperous.
It's not that 2007 is looking any better or worse than the last 20 New Year's Days I've lived through (NOTHING takes the cake quite like Y2K); it's simply just that today promises a new beginning for tomorrow. It's only 12:36am on New Year's Eve as I write this, but in less than 24 hours it will be a new day and a new year - and time for a new beginning. Any time I get a chance to start over is a good time.
Though, in all actuality, "start over" isn't exactly the right word for it. What would better serve my purposes... hmm... Perhaps it's like hitting the "refresh" button. No, then that leads to the trouble of returning to the same screen. "Ctrl-alt-del" isn't quite right either. 2006 hasn't quite imploded on me (though it still has a little over 23 hours to try).
Perhaps it's like opening a new tab in my browser. The other stuff I've been looking at is still there, but the new page is delightfully blank and ready to go wherever my fingers choose.
Dunno why I'm fixated on computer-y analogies, but that's as good as any that I'll come up with at the moment.
I've digressed.
The point is, 2007 has nothing written in stone. Not yet, at any rate. Right now, 2007 looks pleasantly unchartered and full of potential, and where I go during the year, and what I'll do, is yet unwritten. I rather like that uncertainty. I've acknowledged the horrid degree to which I suffer from indecisiveness, but in this one scenario, not knowing has never looked better. For now, I'm still able to imagine all the places I can explore, the lessons I'll seek, the sorrows I'll bear. It's a freedom of sorts.
In the meantime, I've written some resolutions. They're a little more specific, this time around, which means (hopefully) that I'll remember and stick to them.
My health: As much as I abhor the gym, and as wonderful as my youthful metabolism is, I must face facts - I am in a sad state of health, and my way of burning through the food I consume won't last forever. I'm not about to diet - FUCK THAT - but I do recognize that I should be drinking more water, eating more veggies, and getting more exercise than just walking to and from class. KLo and I are reviving our gym dates - and, incidentally, this is a good way to kill two metaphorical birds with one stone.
My friends: I greatly neglected my dearest friends from my first to years of college, KLo and Fadiya (the duo!), and I've resolved to rectify that mistake. Working out with KLo is one way; fleeing to their beautiful off-campus condo when I'm in need of a break is another. I also want to take Octavia up on her lunch and dinner offers. She regularly texts all the RAs to ask if they'd care to eat with her at a dining hall other than Foodworx or at Price Center, and I want to join her on this occasions.
My work: LJS&C is dull. I've not been learning anything new since my first two months at the job. However, this does not mean that I should be surfing through webcomics or creating blogs when I have things to do. If I've run through my in-tray, then I can file, or ask Diane (my new boss) for something to do. That said, I'm going to quit at the end of the season. I'm simply not growing in any positive direction, and, frankly, I'm bored. I'm aiming for another internship this summer, and then a new job come fall (unless I RA again. Should I take that route, then I simply won't work at all).
There was one another resolution listed in my journal (which is where I wrote these originally) but I don't think I'll go into it here.
---
I've noticed that a lot of people import their blogs to Facebook. I've been toying with the idea of doing that, but then I realized that these very thoughts would be broadcasted to a vast number of people I know by name and face, many of whom I interact with on a daily basis. I'd rather not have some of these notions I've "penned" so far-flung across the vast internet frontier. Not that blogger provides any more anonymity, but at least the strangers stumbling across my blog are exactly that - strangers. (The ones who've been reading my rants and raves for about a year now - you don't count. You've read some of my most and least personal entries across several blogs; I no longer worry what you think when you read what I write. And I mean that in a good way. Besides, ever since I've had my feed removed, I've noticed that only a certain number of you still read my writings. The preceding comments are directed to that small handful. If you were/are of #sdcolleges and still read my blog, let me know. I'm curious, and grateful.)
I'm a very personal blogger. I do a lot of introspection, a lot of ranting - sometimes, I treat my blog like the free therapy I've oftentimes suggested that it is. Nik, actually, very recently posted an entry about some arrogant idiot proclaiming that feelings and emotions are not fodder for blog thoughts - who was this self-righteous prick, and what gives him the right to declare what a person is to do with his or her blog? My God, you asshole - blogs are free for a reason. Any self-serving dunce with regular access to the internet can, and probably does, own a blog. Are you trying to control what everyone writes, because I heartily scoff such brazen STUPIDITY. I don't know who you are, because Nik was too much of a gentleman to name you, but if you aren't being that irrational, then what are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to curtail your friends' self-expressions, then? Because, if anything, that's no less stupid and a lot more heartless than trying to prescribe blog standards for the entire fucking world. I don't give a flying fuck how other people utilize their blogs - pay that same respect to me and mine.
Grow up, not down, fool.
Ranting aside, it's stuff like this that I don't want just anyone reading. Once again, I realize that just about anyone CAN read this. Let me take you back to my first post - I lie, and I lie easily and frequently, and the closer you are to me, physically and emotionally, the more likely that I need to lie to you. Quite a few of my friendships have relied on me maintaining some sort of facade or another (and still do), and I don't want those masks cracked - not that this moment in time, anyway, and not by the mere acquaintances that I have in abundance on Facebook. They need to do a little more work to be privileged with the sarcastic, dry, and oftentimes angry blogs that I maintain.
I do give my personal blog's url on my Facebook. However, I presume that only the extremely bored or the extremely caring will venture into my blogging forays. The bored will be scared off by my excessive use of fuck, shit, damn, and every other oath I can think of during my moments of heightened creativity. The extremely caring might discover a cache of secrets that I tend to keep secret from everyone except those who I think are capable of understanding me (and from you, I keep my secrets hidden in my personal journal. Like the resolution I didn't list up there, for example). And from the bored and caring, I may actually glean a few friends who are interested in digging underneath the underneath (once again - my thanks, Kakashi) - and I welcome those friends with my arms wide open.
They'll have to imagine the arms part; I've yet to contrive a passable way of hugging via internet. {hug ____ }, /me hugs, and <(^_^)> just don't suffice.
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Didn't mean to rant nearly so much, but there you are, that ridiculous know-it-all be damned.
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