Kissing the maiden name good-bye

What a night!

This past week was chock-full of events revolving around Jessica and Chris’ wedding; as I was a part of the bride’s side of the festivities, I attended her bachelorette party on Thursday. The wedding itself was on Saturday, and the after-party carried on w ell into Sunday morning.
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First – a list of names you might have to refer to, as the stories unfold:

BRIDAL PARTY
Jessica – the bride, whom I’ve known since 6th grade
Stephi – friend of the bride, my best friend
Annie – friend of the bride
Thuy – friend of the bride
Marianna – bridesmaid
Me (Hanna) – friend of the bride

The above girls and I have all known each other for at least 8 years; some of us have known each other for over 13.

Caroline – bridesmaid
Marisa – maid of honor; bride’s younger sister
Alexia – friend of the maid of honor
Erica – friend of the bride
Amy – friend of the bride

GROOM’S PARTY
Chris – the groom
Levi (aka D-Bag) – best man
Chase (aka Keebler) – groomsman
Greg (aka Gregasaurus) – friend of the groom
Creepy Nick – friend of the groom

The above guys are all frat brothers. That is a key fact – these guys are all frat boys.

On with the story! This post will cover the bachelorette party, and I’ll devote the next two posts to the wedding and the after-party.
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The bachelorette party began on Thursday, at 9:30pm. We girls gathered at Doubletree in Torrance, home to the out-of-state folk for the days of the wedding festivities (some of the bride’s party flew in from NY, and all of the groom’s men came from Kansas). Caroline had arranged the entire party, starting with a giant Escalade limo hired to cart us crazy women (there were 11 of us) from place to place. We were to begin with a comedy show, but apparently we didn’t purchase tickets ahead of time and the place was sold out, so we skipped that step, and moved on to the next – the Hustler store!

Poor Jessica. Jessica was the epitome of the blushing bride; when we got into the store, I don’t believe she ever stopped blushing. Marisa is apparently quite the vibrator connoisseur, which came as a shock to her older sister; shopping with Marisa was an experience, though. Girl tested every vibrator there, unable to satisfy her demands for a stronger vibration until she found a bullet. After Marisa made her purchase, we trooped back to the limo for the final stop of the evening – Saddle Ranch!

We of course made Jessica ride the bull (what’s a trip to the Saddle Ranch worth if you don’t have a friend ride the bull?). The bride’s maids bought a Big Beer (5 LITERS OF BEER!) and drank quite a bit of it all by themselves. I’m not the biggest beer fan in the world, but I had about half a glass to help them out. The bartender gave us free shots as well, and Marianna, Steph, and I all bought shot glasses (which came with a free shot of sex on the beach) for ourselves. We stayed at the Ranch, with Marisa, Alexia, and Steph all taking a ride on the bull, until closing time (at which point, they played "Closing Time").

Best memories of the night: Marisa staying on the bull for a max of three seconds, a girl wearing a dress was tipped by the bull controller to flash the entire bar her red lace thong, and the limo ride back to the hotel. Marianna had an uncontrollable bladder; at a red light, she climbed out of the limo and ran across the street to pee behind a 7-11. That’s class, people. She and Marisa were pretty much gone; Marisa apparently slept until Friday evening. Steph and I went back to Downey; I dropped her off and got back to my house at around 3:30am. I crept inside, doing my best not to wake anyone, and promptly passed out, not waking up until about 11am.

Good times!