Where we love weddings but hate hangovers

The photographers are putting up photos of the wedding! I’m excited and at the same time kind of mortified – I know they got some embarrassing shots of me dancing. Still – they did an amazing job, from what I saw at the wedding.

On to the last event – the after-party!
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The cast of characters! (I’ve taken Caroline, Amy and Erica off the list because they didn’t stick around for the after party).

BRIDAL PARTY
Jessica – the bride, whom I’ve known since 6th grade
Stephi – friend of the bride, my best friend
Annie – friend of the bride
Thuy – friend of the bride
Marianna – bridesmaid
Me (Hanna) – friend of the bride

The above girls and I have all known each other for at least 8 years; some of us have known each other for over 13.

Marisa – maid of honor; bride’s younger sister
Alexia – friend of the maid of honor

GROOM’S PARTY
Chris – the groom
Levi (aka D-Bag) – best man
Chase (aka Keebler) – groomsman
Greg (aka Gregasaurus) – friend of the groom
Creepy Nick – friend of the groom

The above guys are all frat brothers. That is a key fact – these guys are all frat boys.
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The original plan was to go to Club V20 in Long Beach – none of us had been there before, but Thuy really wanted to check it out. After I picked up the boys from the beach and returned to the hotel, the girls and I settled in for a quick nap and a change in attire. We had told the boys to meet us in the lobby at 9pm, since we needed to get to the club by 10pm in order to get in for free.

After changing into our party clothes, we got a phone call from Marianna asking us to help clear out the newlyweds’ bedroom, which Marianna and Marisa had been prepping. After dragging suitcases and shopping bags to our room, and after Marianna and Marisa elected to stay in their wedding clothes (Marisa didn’t have club wear with her), we trooped downstairs to the lobby, where we met Levi.

Levi and a couple of the girls went up to the guys’ room for some pre-gaming, while Annie, Stephi and I lingered in the lobby. We ran into the couple, who were getting some food and going to their room (they didn’t actually hang out with us either, since they had other things on their mind). The entire group came downstairs after a few minutes, at which point Levi informed us of a “minor” problem – Creepy Nick was only 20 years old (LOL – minor. Get it?).

Well none of us wanted to leave Nick by himself, so we looked up some 18+ clubs in the L.A. area. Most of the group went back to the hotel room, while a handful of us went to grab some grub – Steph, Annie, Levi, Chase, and myself, to be exact. What ensued was hilarity.

In Levi’s words, this is what happened when we rolled up to the drive-thru window:

Carl's Jr. Lady: hands us our food after dropping one cup
You: tries to hand her money for the food
Carl's Jr. Lady: waves hands frantically saying no no
You: "But we haven't paid for the food yet lady”
Carl's Jr. Lady: still waving her hands at us like a crack addict
Me: "Just go! Let’s get the hell outta here"

Basically – we got four combos for free. Best thing to happen to us all day long.
When we got back to the hotel, the rest of the party was well on its way to getting smashed. We all reached the conclusion that we’d rather hang out in the hotel rather than go out to a club, so that’s what we did. We all drank a little (even Annie took a sip of Levi’s hideously strong rum and coke) and some of us drank a LOT. At some point during the night, Chase became the Secret Shot Sergeant, Marianna shotgunned some beers with Nick, and Levi and Marisa also got exceedingly drunk.

We eventually had to move to our room, since Jeff and Whitney (a couple from Kansas that I hadn’t previously mentioned, since I never talked to them) needed to get some sleep. And back in our room, things only got crazier.

Marianna straddled and humped me at least three times. Chase fell onto a suitcase, then fell onto the floor trying to get off of it. Annie jumped on the bed, causing Greg to hit his head (let’s face it – he’s really tall). Nick tickled everybody. Marisa spooned. Stephi glomped. Levi and Alexia talked only with one another. At one point, Marianna, Annie, Marisa, and Chase were conducting Operations – Operation: Cookies; Operation: Break into a wedding party at the hotel; Operation: Booze. I LOL-ed (I was sober and they were ridiculous). At one point, Levi and Marisa got into an argument. And security eventually came to break the party up (of course I was the one to talk to them).

A group of them went to DelTaco, while Steph and I tried sleeping. A number of people trooped in and out of our room, though, and when Marianna and Marisa got back, we stayed up a little while longer to gossip with each other about the day’s events.

The next morning, we woke up rather reluctantly to get some breakfast. We thought it would be just the four of us dining with the couple, but when we got down to the lobby, all of the guys had made it downstairs. Some of them definitely looked worse for wear, but we all made it safely across the street to Denny’s. We rehashed some of the night’s events for the couple’s amusement as we ate.

After breakfast, Steph and I gathered our belongings and said good-bye to our roomies and to Chris and Jessica. We met Greg in the lobby – I’d offered him a ride to the airport – and made our way home. I took Greg to LAX, Stephi to Downey, and myself to San Diego.

Not long after I got home, I received a call from Levi inviting us down to the pool. Turns out we forgot to say good-bye to the rest of the boys. Whoops!

All in all, a fabulous wedding party!

Here comes the bride

Part 2: The wedding!
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Here's the list again, for those of you keeping track at home:

BRIDAL PARTY
Jessica – the bride, whom I’ve known since 6th grade
Stephi – friend of the bride, my best friend
Annie – friend of the bride
Thuy – friend of the bride
Marianna – bridesmaid
Me (Hanna) – friend of the bride

The above girls and I have all known each other for at least 8 years; some of us have known each other for over 13.

Caroline – bridesmaid
Marisa – maid of honor; bride’s younger sister
Alexia – friend of the maid of honor
Erica – friend of the bride
Amy – friend of the bride

GROOM’S PARTY
Chris – the groom
Levi (aka D-Bag) – best man
Chase (aka Keebler) – groomsman
Greg (aka Gregasaurus) – friend of the groom
Creepy Nick – friend of the groom

The above guys are all frat brothers. That is a key fact – these guys are all frat boys.
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The ceremony took place at a small church in Palos Verdes, so Steph and I made plans to leave at about 8:45am from Downey, just to make sure we got there in time (it began at 10am). I woke up at 7:30am, and got ready much too fast as usual, so I set out from my house at about 8:20am. I called Steph - no answer. I called her home phone number, and her dad picked up the phone. I asked to speak to Steph - and he said she was still in bed.

Of course, I asked him to wake her up. Steph got on the phone and I assured her that she would still have some time to get ready, since I planned on swinging through Starbucks. I did ask her if we had room to take Annie, since the three of us plus Marianna had rented a room at the Doubletree so we could stay the night (Annie later ended up saying she couldn't stay the night, however, so she drove herself to the wedding). After I'd bought my coffee and croissant, I drove to Steph's place, where she was running around spastically dressing herself, packing for the night, and signing Jessica and Chris' card. I mostly tried to stay out of her way.

Steph got ready in record-time, and we piled everything into my car. After dropping off some equipment at my house, we got on the freeway at about 9:20am, with a projected arrival time of 9:55am. It was cutting a bit close for my comfort, but it couldn't be helped.

With the help of Steph's GPS and my old-school written directions, we found the church with very little problems, arriving just in time. After being walked to our seats by the ushers/groomsmen, Steph and I settled ourselves next to Annie and Alexia, and behind Amy and Erica. Thuy still hadn't arrived - no surprise there, since she's chronically late (she actually ended up arriving after Jessica had already walked down the aisle!). Steph and I were actually a bit early, so we had a chance to sit and check out the crowd. The wedding party was relatively small, with mostly family and old family friends of the bride and groom present.

The ceremony began with the lighting of the candles by the siblings of the bride and groom, and seating of the grandparents and the parents. Chris walked his mother to her seat and I was so taken aback by how much he'd changed in appearance since I'd last seen him that I actually didn't realize it was him until he and his groomsmen trooped to the front of the church. Marianna, Caroline, and Marisa walked in, followed by an adorable flower girl. Then we were all asked to rise in expectation of the bride.

Jessica was absolutely stunning. Her dress was a confectionery of lace and tulle, with intricate embroidery and crowned by a veil. I could tell that Jessica had been crying earlier, but she looked purely happy as she came down the aisle. I had to look back at Chris every now and then, and he looked like he was going to burst, he was so thrilled.

The ceremony went off with no major glitches; Chris flubbed one of his lines because he was so eager to say it, which was simply adorable. The minister instructed Chris a few times that he was to protect Jessica, since she was his most precious gift, and that made me nearly burst out laughing because I had this image in my head of Chris waving a monopod in his hand to fend off attackers (apparently that and a towel rack are his preferred weapons; he used the first when a suspicious man knocked on the door and the second when several coyotes intercepted Jessica on her way home). The minister was great, cracking a coupe of jokes here and there; when the ceremony (which was relatively short) came to a close, he said, "And now, for the best part" as an intro to the husband and wife kiss.

After the Mr. and Mrs. walked down the aisle together, the party congregated outside the church on a patio overlooking the Pacific Ocean - and what a spectacular view! The photographers took lots of photos of the entire group, of the families, and so forth; my friends and I all snapped some photos, and then we made our way to the reception and the Chart House in Torrance. Again - the view was amazing. We were literally hanging over the sand, looking out onto the coast, which was absolutely perfect that day - small waves and clear skies.

The reception was very sweet; speeches were made (I think Marisa's was best), drinks were drunk (and some people got very, very drunk), dances were danced. The young people were all grouped at one table, far away from the wedding party's table; the Kansans sat at one end, the Downey-ites (Downeians? Downey-ers?) sat at the other, and Erica and Amy were stuck in-between. We mostly chatted to the people we knew, and danced with the people we knew. We all ended up chatting a bit after the reception, though, mostly because the guys needed a ride back to the hotel and the girls had multiple cars. Annie, Alexia, Steph, and I loitered for a while on the sand, watching the wedding party take photos, so we could schlepp the guys back with us, but as it turns out, only two ended up needing rides. Levi and Chase wanted to swim a little while, so I agreed to pick them up later, and the rest of us returned to the hotel. After checking in to the hotel, the four of us went to the mall right across the street so Steph could buy a shirt (we had planned on going clubbing). While at the mall, I got a call from Levi, and headed back to the beach to pick them up.

The car ride back to the hotel was amusing; we were using Steph's GPS, but Levi failed at navigating. I ended up making several left and right turns before I got back onto the PCH, at which point I could navigate for myself. The guys were highly entertaining, though, which was great - I hadn't really talked to any of them during the reception, so I didn't know what to expect. We all ended up talking easily, with lots of joking, so I expected great things for that night - more on that to come!

Kissing the maiden name good-bye

What a night!

This past week was chock-full of events revolving around Jessica and Chris’ wedding; as I was a part of the bride’s side of the festivities, I attended her bachelorette party on Thursday. The wedding itself was on Saturday, and the after-party carried on w ell into Sunday morning.
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First – a list of names you might have to refer to, as the stories unfold:

BRIDAL PARTY
Jessica – the bride, whom I’ve known since 6th grade
Stephi – friend of the bride, my best friend
Annie – friend of the bride
Thuy – friend of the bride
Marianna – bridesmaid
Me (Hanna) – friend of the bride

The above girls and I have all known each other for at least 8 years; some of us have known each other for over 13.

Caroline – bridesmaid
Marisa – maid of honor; bride’s younger sister
Alexia – friend of the maid of honor
Erica – friend of the bride
Amy – friend of the bride

GROOM’S PARTY
Chris – the groom
Levi (aka D-Bag) – best man
Chase (aka Keebler) – groomsman
Greg (aka Gregasaurus) – friend of the groom
Creepy Nick – friend of the groom

The above guys are all frat brothers. That is a key fact – these guys are all frat boys.

On with the story! This post will cover the bachelorette party, and I’ll devote the next two posts to the wedding and the after-party.
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The bachelorette party began on Thursday, at 9:30pm. We girls gathered at Doubletree in Torrance, home to the out-of-state folk for the days of the wedding festivities (some of the bride’s party flew in from NY, and all of the groom’s men came from Kansas). Caroline had arranged the entire party, starting with a giant Escalade limo hired to cart us crazy women (there were 11 of us) from place to place. We were to begin with a comedy show, but apparently we didn’t purchase tickets ahead of time and the place was sold out, so we skipped that step, and moved on to the next – the Hustler store!

Poor Jessica. Jessica was the epitome of the blushing bride; when we got into the store, I don’t believe she ever stopped blushing. Marisa is apparently quite the vibrator connoisseur, which came as a shock to her older sister; shopping with Marisa was an experience, though. Girl tested every vibrator there, unable to satisfy her demands for a stronger vibration until she found a bullet. After Marisa made her purchase, we trooped back to the limo for the final stop of the evening – Saddle Ranch!

We of course made Jessica ride the bull (what’s a trip to the Saddle Ranch worth if you don’t have a friend ride the bull?). The bride’s maids bought a Big Beer (5 LITERS OF BEER!) and drank quite a bit of it all by themselves. I’m not the biggest beer fan in the world, but I had about half a glass to help them out. The bartender gave us free shots as well, and Marianna, Steph, and I all bought shot glasses (which came with a free shot of sex on the beach) for ourselves. We stayed at the Ranch, with Marisa, Alexia, and Steph all taking a ride on the bull, until closing time (at which point, they played "Closing Time").

Best memories of the night: Marisa staying on the bull for a max of three seconds, a girl wearing a dress was tipped by the bull controller to flash the entire bar her red lace thong, and the limo ride back to the hotel. Marianna had an uncontrollable bladder; at a red light, she climbed out of the limo and ran across the street to pee behind a 7-11. That’s class, people. She and Marisa were pretty much gone; Marisa apparently slept until Friday evening. Steph and I went back to Downey; I dropped her off and got back to my house at around 3:30am. I crept inside, doing my best not to wake anyone, and promptly passed out, not waking up until about 11am.

Good times!