Blast from the past

I just received the email I wrote to myself a year ago! I thought I had deleted it accidentally or something, but as it turns out, I'd sent it later than I remembered.
Not as exciting as I'd hoped, actually. I did advise myself to laugh at what I wrote, and I did, 'cause a year ago I was really deprived of self-esteem, love-lorn, and at a loss for words.
That's all changed, now, and I think the Hanna from a year ago would be really, really, REALLY relieved. I, now, am a lot more self-confident than I was a year ago. I think better of myself, and I think better of others, too. I'm more guarded with my heart and my trust than I was, though - don't know if that's an improvement or not. I'm more jaded and cynical, but a lot less disappointed in myself and depressed by other people.
I'm at a good place right now. I've come to terms with my neuroses - I'm OCD, anal-retentive, and a perfectionist, and I suffer from ADD and indecisiveness. I'm methodical, and forever trying to reorganize my life and my thoughts into something coherent by constantly making lists. I'm always in my head, dreaming and fantasizing, and not often focused entirely on the present. I'm demanding, I have well-nigh impossible standards, I'm high-maintainence and temperamental. I can have the WORST bad moods you'll ever encounter.
But I'm also loving. I'll put people I care about before myself, because I'll always want to spend time for them and do things for them to make them happy. I'll essentially make a doormat of myself for my friends; luckily, there haven't been too many people who've actively taken advantage of this. When I need to make a real decision (not where to go to eat - that's not an important decision and I'll hem and haw forever), I'll make it quickly and do it well. For all that I'm touchy and highly sensitive, I'm peace-loving and I dislike confrontation. I'm quick to compromise. And for all that people have let me down and failed me completely, I am still and always will be a people person.
I'm fine with my flaws - I don't consider them flaws so much, actually, as I do personality traits. Things that make me Me. Like I said, I've come to terms with my neuroses, and I've come to terms with myself. I'm throwing out the negative in my life, and embracing all that is beautiful, and I'm going to be all the more happier for it.
Right now, I'm good. A year ago, this is all I could have wished for. Now, I know that this should be for granted. There's only one Me in my lifetime - why should I constantly try to drag her down and beat her up when I could love her for all that she is instead?
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I want to join in on the Winter Awesome, but I'm having trouble coming up with stuff. XP Besides, I dunno if Paul still reads my blog. :]

Blast from the past

So about a year ago, I wrote an email to myself through this site that Mooneer mentioned in his blog, and I should be receiving it any day now (I believe I sent it to myself on December 20th of last year). It should be, if all else, amusing to read - I remember at least one thing that I wrote about, that is no longer the same.
Curiosity is a bitch. :]
I went out to dinner with Kevin and Steph tonight, which was great - good food, and even better company. I hadn't eaten a real meal all day long, so I had around six slices of Outback's fabulous bread, my salad, and my ENTIRE steak. Granted, the tenderloin was only 7 ounces, but that's a hefty steak in my book (if you don't know by now, I have an itty bitty stomach). And considering how much bread I'd consumed, I was actually damned surprise that I ate the whole thing.
Good thinking, Steph! That was the best meal I've had in quite a long time.
Anyway, I'm all stuffy in the head, and phlegmy, and all woozy. I've spent most of the day sleeping, but I think I'm off to do a little more of the same. Sigh. At least I'm catching up on all the lost sleep from this past quarter.
Homeward bound in just a few days.