New Year's Meme

Again, the end-of-the-year meme I fill out at the end of the year. I do this more for me than for you, so if you don't feel like reading it, don't.

1) Was 2008 a good year for you?
Yes and no. The end of the year was pretty much shit, but the rest of it seemed to go off without a hitch.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Graduating, I think, and being honored in front of my fellow graduates and friends and family. I finally felt acknowledged, and while I don't need recognition, the feeling I get from it is rather pleasant.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Thanksgiving, and all the hell that followed.

4) Where were you when 2008 began?
Home.

5) Who were you with?
Family.

6) Where will you be when 2008 ends?
Currently at home

7) Who will you be with when 2008 ends?
Currently with family.

8) Did you keep your new year’s resolution of 2008?
I didn't apply to grad school, and my financial situation is still crap, but the rest of my life this year worked out fairly well. Only one trip to the ER this year, and only one car accident. This was a triumph.

9) Do you have a new year’s resolution for 2009?
Yep. Lose weight and eat healthily for the sake of my health, not for my looks. Do as much for my finances as possible. Take better care of myself, in other words.

10) Did you fall in love in 2008?
No, thank goodness.

11) Did you breakup with anyone in 2008?
No.

12) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
Yes.

13) Who are your favorite new friends?
Again, I don’t choose favorites.

14) What was your favorite month of 2008?
June, I guess. I graduated - I'd call that important.

15) Did you travel outside of the US in 2008?
No.

15) How many different states did you travel to?
Nevada, Washington.

16) Did you lose anyone close to you?
Burned some useless bridges, cleaned out my closet.

17) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Not particularly. I think I've recovered from all the injuries of the previous year, and spent 2008 enjoying the freedom that came with.

18) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2008?
"The Dark Knight" tops the list, but I saw a lot of other great films as well.

19) What was your favorite song from 2008?
I don't do favorites.

20) What was your favorite album from 2008?
Same thing.

21) How many concerts did you see in 2008?
One – Sungod 2008, featuring Coheed & Cambria. Definitely didn't pay attention.

22) Did you have a favorite concert in 2008?
Nope. The musical line-up this year pretty much bored me.

23) Did you drink a lot of alcohol?
Nope.

24) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2008?
A slew of antibiotics (for acne), Accutane (for acne), birth control (for Accutane and for huge new breasts), the occasional painkiller.

25) How many people did you sleep with in 2008?
484654974151561.

26) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Not that I can think of.

27) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2008?
I don't know of any, so people either didn't lie to me, or I just haven't found out.

28) Did you treat somebody badly?
I don't think so.

29) Did somebody treat you badly in 2008?
People are incredibly good at hurting one another. I’ll repeat myself this year – a truism that still holds from 2005 – that’s life.
And it's still true in 2008.

30) How much money did you spend in 2008?
A lot on necessities, like rent and food. A lot on things I simply wanted, like clothes and makeup.

31) What was your proudest moment of 2008?
I graduated. I achieved a certain degree of closure. I came to an understanding with my mom and the life she's led.

32) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2008?
See, “embarrassing’ moments are all now just either too inconsequential to remember or just so damn funny that they’re no longer embarrassing, that I can’t actually place any particular moment.
Still holds true in 2008.

33) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
I wouldn’t. I always ask the Eternal Sunshine question – who would you erase, if you had the opportunity? And my answer is always the same – no one.
No regrets, just lessons learned.
Still true in 2008.

34) What are your plans for 2009?
Get a job; apply to grad school; take CC classes.

Someone to save you

Jess tagged me, so why not?

1. Put your MP3s on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the same as well as the person you got the note from.

---
[] means a snippet of the lyrics
() means my response to the question and the song
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I love this meme (I've done it before) 'cause it's a chance for me to hear songs that I forgot I had, or never included in any of my main playlists.
---

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Cowboy Take Me Away" by Dixie Chicks
[I wanna touch the earth, I wanna break it in my hands. I wanna grow something wild and unruly]
("Is this okay?" Is what okay? This question makes no sense, but I suppose the song means that, if some cowboy wants to whisk me away from here, I'd be okay with that. Hmm. Definitely going line-dancing more - gotta get me a cowboy!)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Cater 2 U" by Destiny's Child
[Let me cater 2 u 'cause baby this is your day. Do anything for my man - baby you blow me away.]
(Funny. I kind of used to really dislike this song. First off - cater "2 u"? Yeck. Second - the concept of catering to some guy really pissed off the feminist in me. After listening to it again, for the first time in a while, the idea of loving someone so much that I'd be willing to do anything for them doesn't sound so unrealistic. Kelly's verse, though, I still hate. "I'm here to serve you"? Yeck.

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"I've got you under my skin" by Frank Sinatra
[I tried so, not to give in. I said to myself, "this affair never will go so well." But why should I try to resist when, baby I know so well, I've got you under my skin?]
(So... I like people who are practically a part of me. Someone I tried not to give in to, but who managed to get in anyway. Huh - that sounds like it'd be about right.)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"It's not over" by Daughtry
[I tried to see the good in life but good things in life are hard to find]
(I suppose this means I'm kind of depressed, but I'm determined to "do things right this time around." Life might be a bitch, but it isn't over until I say it is? Fitting, actually.)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Unforgettable" by Nat king Cole
[Unforgettable, that's what you are. Unforgettable, only afar. Like a song of love that clings to me, how the thought of you does things to me.]
(Heh. I did used to want to be famous; now I'm just interested in making my mark on this world, for the good. And the idea of people caring enough about me to make me unforgettable is a nice thought as well.)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Snakes and Ladders" by Joss Stone
[In the game of love, it takes all you got just to keep moving up - and don't you want to reach the top?]
(Hm. Love works both ways, I guess. You can't play games with people you care about. Huh - that's not bad at all.)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Mary Jane" by Rick James
[I'm in love with Mary Jane, she's my main thing! She makes me feel alright, she makes my heart sing!]
(Apparently, they're all in love with me! "She's not the kind of girl you can just tie down" - ha, so true.)

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"The Boy's Gone" by Jason Mraz
[Be so happy with the way you are, just be happy that you made it this far. Oh be happy now, please be happy now.]
(Enjoy what you have while you have it, because it won't last forever. Sounds kind of like another motto.)

9. WHAT IS 2+2?
"It Take Two" by Zac Efron (from"Hairspray")
[That I'm your man and you're my girl, that I'm the sea and you're the pearl. It takes two, baby, it takes two.]
(Ha! How appropriate.)

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"Black or White" by Michael Jackson
[If you're thinking about my baby, it don't matter if you're black or white]
(It doesn't matter if you're black or white!)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" by Will Smith
[On your mark, ready, set, let's go! Dance floor pro, I know you know.]
(This works, since I don't actually like anyone at the moment. I'm just interested in gettin' jiggy, not getting with anyone.)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Open Arms" by Mariah Carey
[But now that you've come back, turned night into day, I need you to stay.]
(I have a habit of welcoming people into my life with open arms? Even if I let them go at one point?)

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey
[I only think of you and it's breaking my heart. I try to keep it together but I'm falling apart.]
(That wasn't random at all. Either that, or I have a lot of Mariah Carey. Anyway, apparently I want to be depressed because I broke up with someone and regretted it. Fuck. No.)

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"These Days" by Rascal Flatts
[I wake up and teardrops, they fall down like rain. I put on that old song we danced to and then I head off to my job, guess not much has changed. I punch the clock, head for home, check the phone just in case. Go to bed, dream of you - that's what I'm doing these days.]
(Oh, I love this song. Anyway, I think that the person has moved on, or has never liked me like I liked him. I can't move on, however, because I'm still stuck on him. Yeah, like I would ever do that. >>;)

15. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Rockferry" by Duffy
[I leave my shadow to fall behind. I wouldn't write to you, 'cause I'm not that kind.]
(I'm off to do my own thing, leaving my parents behind. Unless, of course, this song is actually about suicide. Hopefully they don't think I'm suicidal.)

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani
[You melt me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point. Come help me out, I need to get me out of this joint. Come on let's bounce, I'm counting on you to turn me around. Instead of clowning around, let's find some common ground.]
(This guy and I treated each other like crap at times, but we loved each other enough to work it out and get married. Hmm.)

17. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Salt Shaker" by Ying Yang Twins
[Roll that ass round and round like a motherfuckin' wheel. Shake that shit, this ain't no motherfuckin' drill.]
(Um. People will be so glad I've died that they'll have a dance party at my funeral? Or, I loved dancing so much - and dirty rap songs - that they played this in homage to how well I shook it. Yeah, I like that second one better.
I kind of wanted to post the entire song. :D)

18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Why (Are We Still Friends?)" by 98 degrees
[We do almost everything that lovers do, and that's why it's hard just to be friends with you. Every time your heart is broken by the fool, I want you to know that it hurts me too.]
(I... like spending time wondering why I'm just friends with someone when really, we should be dating? Um, no.)

19. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Roxanne" by the Police
[Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light. Those days are over. You don't have to sell your body to the night.]
(They're whores, and I'm saving them from the night. LMAO.)

20. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Way Back Into Love" by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett (from "Music and Lyrics")
[I've been looking for someone to shed some light, not somebody just to get me through the night. I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions.]
(Um. Being alone is the worst thing that could happen? What about drowning in SPIDERS?)

21. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Baby It's You" by JoJo
[It don't matter that your car is fly, and your rims are spinning on the side. It don't matter where we go tonight 'cause if I'm with you it'll be alright.]
(Um. Some guy tried too hard to impress me and accidentally killed me. XP Keep It Simple, Stupid!)

22.WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"What You Waiting For?" by Gwen Stefani
[Take a chance 'cause you might grow.]
(I didn't seize the moment when I had the chance. Fairly accurate, actually.)

23. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Too Little, Too Late" by JoJo
[Go and find someone else. I'm letting you go, I'm loving myself. You got a problem, but don't come asking me for help.]
(Jeez. I have enough artists that they shouldn't be repeating like this. Anyway, some guy breaking my heart, then coming back and trying to re-win it, will make me laugh. Yes, I suppose it would. In a sad, sardonic way.)

24. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child
[I don't think you ready for this jelly, my body too bootylicious for you babe.]
(Again, with the repeating. Anyway, not being bootylicious makes me cry. Yes, yes it does. This song should be switched with the one above :P)

25. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Stand Beside Me" by JoDee Messina
[I may not be so lucky in love, but the one thing I'm sure of, I want a man to stand beside me, not in front of or behind me. Give me two arms that want to hold me, not own me, and I'll give all the love in my heart. Stand beside me, be true and don't tell lies to me. I'm not looking for a fantasy. I want a man who stands beside me.]
(Yes, I will, once I find someone who will stand beside me and be my equal.)

26. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Not That Kinda Girl" by JoJo
[There can't be any us, if there can't be any trust. Nothin' to discuss, no doubt. I'm not that kinda girl to let you play me out.]
(I swear, I have FOUR JoJo songs. If the fourth comes up, I'll laugh. Anyway, I'm afraid of becoming a superficial and shallow bitch. I'm not the kind of girl to be owned, or to be played. Appropriate, since I loathe those girls and those guys the most.)

27. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Dirty Man" by Joss Stone
[You're a dirty, dirty man, and you been hiding your dirt all over this here place. Here's my chance baby, to through some mud in your face.]
(K, I do have a lot of Joss Stone. That makes more sense. Anyway, men who cheat on their girlfriends don't like me. Good, 'cause I don't like them.)

28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Times Like These" by Foo Fighters
[It's times like these you learn to live again. It's times like these you give and give again.]
(Heh. No regrets, just lessons learned.)

29. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Come Home" by OneRepublic
[There's someone I've been missing, I think that they could be the better half of me.]
(Waiting for the one I've been missing hurts. Apparently.)

30. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Someone to Save You" by OneRepublic
(Again. Not. Random!)
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Didn't tag anyone. Do it if you want, just link back to me if you do!

How much I have and have not changed

I don't really think memes are a good indicator of change, but I do still fill them out when I'm bored at work!

The ABCs of me.

A- AREA CODE YOU ARE IN RIGHT NOW:
858

B- BIRTHDAY:
October 13, 1986

C-CURRENT CRUSH:
Christian Bale!

D- FAVORITE N0N ALCHOHLIC DRINK:
Coffee

E- EATING CURRENTLY:
Nothing. I’m drinking a Pepsi, which I shouldn’t be doing, since I’m trying to give up on soda.

F- FAVORITE FRUIT:
Love most of the ones I’ve tried. I’m allergic to peach fuzz, and I dislike papaya.

G- GO TO FOR ADVICE:
Depends on the advice I need; if it’s tech advice, the boys. For everything else, KLo, Fadiya, or Steph.

H- CURRENT HATRED:
Having nothing to do at work; overly hot weather; rudeness.

I- I'M THINKING ABOUT:
My past, since I dragged this thing from a past blog.

K- ANY KIDS:
Nope, but I want some. Eventually. Like, ten years from now.

L- I LOVE:
Family (includes my closest friends); good food; chocolate; caffeine; reading; watching movies; driving at night.

M- FAVORITE MOVIE
Right now, The Dark Knight.

N- NEEDING NOW:
Huh. A better-paying job?

O- OTHERWISE KNOWN AS:
Hanna and her sisters (gross), Little Choe (gross), Hanna Banana, SexyKoreanPornStar (ask Jose), Hardcore Hottie (ask Annie and Sara), Ghetto Bootay (ask Annie and Sara)

The above were from the last time I wrote this thing – nearly 3 years ago! Right now, I’m mostly just me. Steph has tried variations of Cheshire Cat (‘cause I grin like him), but none have stuck.

Q- A LITTLE QUIRK ABOUT YOURSELF:
Just one? Uh… I’m double-jointed in my arms. Oh, but that’s the one I always use. Hm. My boobs got bigger by, like, a lot. :D

R- LAST ROAD TRIP:
This past weekend, with Steph and Jess, to Vegas.

S- DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER:
Oddly enough, no. I need music to sing along to. I mostly just think; I’d talk to myself, but then I’d get soap in my mouth. Ew.

T- THOUGHTS:
I need to pee.

Ha! I wrote the above nearly 3 years, again, and yet, here I am, needing to pee! I have a small bladder, I guess.

U- UNUSUAL EXPERIENCE:
My toilet flooding, and me being in hysterics ‘cause I didn’t know how to fix it. I’m a plumber’s daughter, you know.

V- LAST TIME YOU WERE IN VEGAS:
This past weekend. Super hot. Lost money. Good times!

W- LAST CALL RECEIVED ON CELL PHONE:
Dad.

Y- YOUR SCREENNAME:
hannabanana1013

Z- ZODIAC SIGN:
Libra. And I'm a very typical Libra too.

Still am, too.

Times are a-changin'

I filled this out a while back; I wanted to see if anything's changed in the past, oh, three years.

5 details about me:

1. I am a recent UCSD grad.
2. I'm pretty sure I have ADD and OCD to certain degrees; I'm also rather anal-retentive.
3. I have a fantastic memory.
4. I'm hugely ambitious. (Momma always said to dream big!)
5. I'm addicted to coffee.

5 details about my appearance right now:

1. Black tank top over a turquoise tank top.
2. Short hair.
3. Jeans.
4. Flip flops.
5. Glasses.

5 favorite films (I'll choose from movies I've seen this year; not in any particular order):

1. The Christopher Nolan-Christian Bale Batman series (Batman Begin counts! I re-watched it in preparation for The Dark Knight.)
2. WALL-E
3. Wanted
4. Mamma Mia!
5. Hell Boy 2

5 memorable things I have done or about me:

1. People always seem to remember how lou-exuberant I am. I swear I have an indoor voice.
2. I have gotten into a car accident in every car I've driven (so I don't have a great track record. Please don't sue me).
3. I grew 2 cup sizes from birth control pills (again, other people find that memorable).
4. I am a klutz (it's pretty freakin' memorable when a girl falls flat on her butt right in front of you).
5. I don't know. I did cool shit during college, and won an award for my efforts.

5 things that make me happy:

1. A good conversation, preferably filled with side-splitting, pee-my-pants laughter.
2. A good book.
3. A good cup of coffee.
4. A good meal.
5. A good drive at night.

5 things that impress me:

1. An open-minded nature.
2. People who enjoy reading (seems to be rare these days).
3. Young people who are successful/talented.
4. Forces of nature.
5. Good conversationalists.

5 things that don't impress me:

1. Rudeness.
2. A closed mind.
3. Bigotry, racism, sexism, and so forth.
4. Guys in suped-up cars (the Compensators).
5. People with no sense of humor.

To summarize

The end-of-the-year meme that I've been doing for a couple of years now. I warn you, this is a biggie. There were some 30-odd questions that I chose not to answer, plus a list of "check this if you did it" questions that I also eliminated, because this thing alone took up 4 pages in Word.

Enjoy!

1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
It is amazing, how much a person can change over the course of a year. One year in life, and my feelings have shifted so drastically. Go back two years, and I’m even more different at 21 from what I was at 19. I think that’s why I enjoy this once-a-year quizzes and letters (I write myself a letter at the end of every December, since 2005, and read it in the following December, via FutureMe) – it’s a great way to literally see how much I’ve changed.
Let’s see. I don’t want to sum up the entire year, month-by-month, ‘cause that’d probably bore most of you (and I probably already blogged it). Let’s say that it was… for the most part, positive. Even the negative events can be made positive – I’ll elaborate on this a little later. The point is, whether the incident itself was negative or not, the lasting impact it’s made thus far has served my life for the better.
I’m taking life with a grain of salt, and it’s working out pretty well.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
I dislike the word “favorite” – it implies… well, favoritism. I’ll just state that now, so that I won’t have to reiterate my point at every “favorite [blank]” question I run across.
There were many enjoyable moments this year. The latter half of my year as an RA wasn’t as… rewarding as the earlier parts, which I detailed in the End of 2006 meme, but the moments I shared with true friends and family were more than enough to make up for what lacked. My cousin Gus finally got married; KLo, Chris, and I made many memorable memories during Spring quarter (St. Patrick’s Day; the Cliffs; the emergency room – more in the next question); I worked at a Girl Scout camp and made new friends; I took fun (but challenging) courses; I became a History minor; I became Fourth Year Senator on Student Council – all good things.
I reacquainted myself with the #sdcolleges crew, even popping into the IRC channel on occasion, and while they haven’t changed much, it’s still an enjoyable and always friendly atmosphere. Sometimes I forget how wonderful it is, being loved just for being myself.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
I cracked my shin during the early weeks of Spring quarter, and Chris and KLo dragged me to the emergency room. This wasn’t my least favorite moment because I had to go to the ER, however – I’m used to going to the ER (scarily enough). What made it one of my worst moments was the feeling of betrayal by one of my “close” RA buddies. The utter lack of sympathy I felt from him was just astonishing, and eye-opening. Chris and KLo, and many of the other RAs, were almost too worried, but him? Nothing. Not even an “are you okay?” did I receive from him. Shocking, considering what he had previously meant to me.
Earlier in the year, and also tied to him, was an all-out argument – raised voices, tears, anger, betrayal – between him and M, versus myself and J. I already outlined this fight, so I won’t rehash it all again, but it still stands as a rather horrible memory, especially since I still don’t know what exactly it was that I did to deserve that kind of treatment.
Heartbreak seems to be the key that links all of my years together; painful memories are certainly the easiest to recall. I didn’t fall in love, this year, but it’s been proved that friends are as capable – perhaps even more so – of breaking my heart as any man I’ve lost my heart to.
Other bad memories – breaking up a fight, in the rain, at around 2 or 3 am, at building 705 (I was the RA for building 706, mind you), and there was another one that I can’t remember at the moment (oh yes, my doctor's appointment in June).

4) Where were you when 2007 began?
Once again, I was at home. I did spend a part of the evening at my friend Jesper’s house, where friends were gathered for a party. But I rang in the New Year at home…

5) Who were you with?
… and I rang it in with family.

6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
I’ll probably be at home.

7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
And I’ll probably be with family.

8) Did you keep your new year’s resolution of 2007?
All in all, I suppose. I was a better friend to the friends I felt were worth keeping. I’ve improved my health in some ways, sort of. Well. Okay, so maybe the health thing failed. But who’s perfect?

9) Do you have a new year’s resolution for 2008?
Not yet.

10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
No.

11) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
No.

12) Did you make any new friends in 2007?
Yes.

13) Who are your favorite new friends?
Again, I don’t choose favorites.

14) What was your favorite month of 2007?
Let’s see. My birth month is always enjoyable, but I think I actually liked the earlier months, such March, April, and May, the best. There were a lot of fun times packed into those months, and I relish warm weather.
15) Did you travel outside of the US in 2007?
YES, YES I DID! I finally went to Korea! It was a great experience, overall, and I’m so glad to have finally gotten off the American continent!

15) How many different states did you travel to?
Okay see, now this part is boring. I’m quite certain that I didn’t leave California.

16) Did you lose anyone close to you?
Not to Death, no, but I’ve parted ways with friends, mostly because they burned down their bridges to me a long time ago.

17) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Yes, but they weren’t… well, I was going to write that they weren’t worth it, but that’s not quite true. They are all great people, but when they stopped valuing their relationship with me as highly as I valued mine with them, it got harder to continue putting in that kind of effort. I could have tried harder, yes, but couldn’t they have tried at all?
Now I see what being an “off-campus” friend is like.
18) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
I do believe that 300 takes first prize. I also greatly enjoyed the film adaptations of The Golden Compass, Stardust, and Hairspray. Pan’s Labyrinth was beautiful, and original. And there were a lot of other great films as well.

19) What was your favorite song from 2007?
Again, this category is stupid. I don’t ever pick just one favorite song – I’ve sung my heart out to a variety of artists, from Carrie Underwood to Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

20) What was your favorite album from 2007?
Same thing.

21) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
One – Sungod 2007, featuring T.I.

22) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
Sungod is Sungod – I don’t think I’d ever classify it as a favorite event (especially since I don’t do favorites), but the 2007 event was fun.

23) Did you drink a lot of alcohol?
Not really. I got drunk, finally, but that’s been all of… twice. So no, not a lot of alcohol (though it does take me quite a bit to get there).

24) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
Doxycilin, erythromicin, Benadryl, Tylenol, Advil.

25) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
48465497415156.

26) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
I don’t recall anything particularly shameful. There are certain things that other people might think I ought to be ashamed of doing, but I’m not.

27) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
It’s not so much that they lied; they just made promises that they weren’t able to keep.
I believe that when you declare yourself a friend to someone else, there are certain promises you automatically make, promises that you take for granted until they’re suddenly broken or left unfulfilled.

28) Did you treat somebody badly?
People certainly think so, but again, I don’t know exactly what it is about my behavior – choosing to see a movie with J, instead of waiting to see it with J as well as M and S – that violated all laws of friendship. Apparently, this all related to how J and I were changing in ways that weren’t agreeable to M and S.
I suppose it’s possible that I missed something, but I doubt it. My memory’s pretty damn good when it comes to those kind of things.

29) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
People are incredibly good at hurting one another. I’ll repeat myself this year – a truism that still holds from 2005 – that’s life.

30) How much money did you spend in 2005?
A lot, but on necessities, like rent and food.

31) What was your proudest moment of 2005?
I’ve realized who truly matters in my life; I’ve come to terms with the oftentimes hellish disaster that is my family; I wrote a damn good research paper; I’m wrapping up four years of college.

32) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
See, “embarrassing’ moments are all now just either too inconseq uential (which MS doesn’t think is a word) to remember or just so damn funny that they’re no longer embarrassing, that I can’t actually place any particular moment.
Oh, and “most [blank]” can join the “favorite [blank]” in the elitist category.

33) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
I wouldn’t. I always ask the Eternal Sunshine question – who would you erase, if you had the opportunity? And my answer is always the same – no one.
No regrets, just lessons learned.

34) What are your plans for 2008?
Graduate; get a job in SD; take summer classes; intern; apply to grad school.

Books

1. Grab the nearest book (that's in English).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

---

So on my desk is a 3-layer bookshelf, and most of my paperbacks are all arranged neatly on the lowest shelf - which means that they're all within easy reach.

I'll grab one with my eyes closed. This still isn't fair, since I know the arrangement of my books, but whatever.

*flails with her left arm*

"...What was I singing?"
"You didn't know that either?"
"I don't know what it means, no."
-- Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

Ha! It still ended up being a Pratchett story. What can I say - I adore this man, and his satirical wit.

---

I love my CSE 3 labs. Check out what I've been doing. The first couple of labs didn't entail a whole lot of detail that I didn't already know, but Lab 4 was particularly interesting and fun. I like to hit "view source" and smile gleefully. :]

The New Year meme, part 2

If you've already read my elephantine post found below, I apologize, for I am going to sum it up now in just a few short(er), and less angry, paragraphs.
2006, as a whole, was an experience. It was an experience in new adventures to be had and lessons to be learned. I've done a few things I'd never done before, gone through some trials I'd never faced before, and so forth.
Let's begin with the less complicated subject at hand. During the summer, I interned at KGTV-10, a newsstation based in San Diego. I learned quite a bit about how a local newsstation gathers its information and prioritizes its daily dosage of news - and I learned why I don't like the trivial, localized approach. This was a highly lucrative endeavour in that I finally got a first-hand look into the workings of my chosen career, and have modified my goals accordingly.
(My hands are so cold and stiff that typing is proving to be a real challenge.)
Now into the gritty stuff - namely, relationships, and how they've proved to be a real bitch and a real source of joy.
My relationship with my family has never failed to be a struggle. We've declined from years past; we've become resigned to a situation that had never had a chance to be truly loving and happy; we've improved in our understanding of one another. It's truly hard at times for me to be a Choe. I've tried explaining it to my friends - one sister is working at three different hospitals, the other is teaching English is Korea. I, as the youngest, have always had these standards to live up to, and I've never failed to come up short. My relationship with my mother has always, for me, been more challenging than any course I've ever been enrolled in, any test I've ever failed, because of my inevitable shortcomings. What I choose to do, what I do to distinguish myself, she cannot understand. She never understood how much work I put into KIWIN'S during high school, and the amazingly postive impact it had on a SHITLOAD of people - all she saw were my poor grades in my math and science classes. She doesn't see the effect I have as an RA - she only notes that I'm attending a good enough school (by her standards) and that my grades are staying up (not realizing how challenging it is to keep them up, what with the other responsibilities I've had). She cannot recognize that I'm trying to make a difference by being an able leader, since this is out of her power to grade and judge. In this aspect, I far outshine my siblings - since neither of them cared for this type of extracurriculars - and it has yet to bear any recognition from my mother.
"And Mom, I know that my being a whiny bitch can get on your nerves, but guess what? You get on my fucking nerves, too. We're human - don't expect me to be your goddamn perfectly perky princess, 'cause that isn't my choice and it never FUCKING was. (Yes, I'm angry right now. No, I don't normally use "fuck" so often. Yes, sometimes, I just need to.)" I wrote this last night, when I was filling out the epic meme below, and I was so angry with her. We can't communicate, my mother and I. Our language barrier is too tough of a divide, and I cannot wholeheartedly pursue the Korean language when there are other things I find more worthwhile of my time. So I won't be able to explain to her that being measured against my sisters, and constantly failing, is not my fault. It was never my choice to be judged by THEIR accomplishments. She does this actively, and out of her own will, and I can't ever win.
Now, I've stopped caring. I've accepted it. And I'll cherish what I do, and be recognized by those who realize my worth, and take true pleasure from that. And from my mother, I'll have undying love and support, and for that I'll be eternally grateful.
I don't fight with my father because we rarely have conversations. Once again, the language barrier. For this, I'm sorry. However, my future does not hold a world where my lacking proficiency in Korean will matter.
My relationships with my various groups of friends have changed greatly. I once placed one group of friends above others for my overall entertainment and amusement. I sought them because there, I felt at ease and myself.
And then the group expanded for their benefit, but not for mine. They found a large circle of friends with a common interest - nay, passion - that I didn't share, and it carried over into everything they did and said. And I was stuck outside.
I left. It was my decision, and I'm happier for it. I do still care for them, though, something I hope they understand.
And in leaving this circle, I returned to a smaller one, one I established in the years preceding #sdcolleges. I made two true, long-lasting friends during my first two years of school, and I neglected them shamefully during Fall quarter. I've poured my heart out to these girls, told them all my sorrows, all my secrets. They never once spoke to me in a language I couldn't understand; if anything, they understood and empathized with me better than any person save one, who I'll get to. Without Fadiya and KLo, I would have failed where I actually triumphed, and to them, I vow to be a better friend.
I like smaller groups of close friends. I adore larger social circles for social gatherings, but when I just need to be me in all of my unedited, uncut, not-rated glory, I only need a few true friends around me. And one who's never failed me, in all my times of stupidity, vapidity, and vanity - the only one who's made any impact on me whatsoever for the long haul - is one Stephi Graf. I've seen vast numbers of people go in and out of my life, and the one presence that will never change is Steph. I'm BLESSED to have that kind of luck in my relationships.
I've found my clique on the RA staff, but our relationship is still forming itself. It's funny - we RAs went through so much together in a very brief period of time, resulting in our unabashedly loving 19 near-strangers after just a month of working together. We had to, in order to be this cohesive of a force, but now that we've had time to come into our positions, we're all slowly making real friendships. Mine have been with 3 other RAs, though I still genuinely adore all of the other 19. What I have with the other 3, though, was at first a friendship of convenience. We're all on campus, we're all separated from our other friends, and we all like boba. :D We became more than co-workers through late-night boba runs, board game marathons, and dining out, and we've shared some great experiences. We're still working out the subtle nuances of our personalities, though. I'm not nearly as open with them as I am with Steph, or Fadiya and KLo (forever a duo in my mind). They don't catch on to the hints that would hit Steph like a load of bricks. They don't sense things in my manner that trigger alarms on the two's sensors.
I think that they're still learning that I DO have moods and emotions other than cheer and happiness. Maybe it's coming as a bit of a shock, but hopefully they'll still love me anyway.
I conquered my heart - I told the man I'd loved for 1.5 years that I cared about him, and got the answer I'd been expecting. I didn't cry, but I was even more desperately unhappy for a period of time. Then, I reflected - I came to a realization that I was still wasting precious time over someone who would never love me quite like I loved him. I faced reality, and I MOVED ON. My heart's forever changed by that experience, but my God - when I threw off that baggage, it was with a hurrah of unexpected depth and true enjoyment.
" Getting over love is better than being in love (in my personal experience. Don’t fucking tell me otherwise, because I don’t care if it’s worked for you – I wouldn’t know. No offense or anything, but that’s just how it is). Loving myself is better than loving another person, and I need to work on that. I need to take some people less seriously, ‘cause they don’t mean to hurt me. Some people need to take me more seriously, because they’re hurting me in spite of their intentions. And finally, good friends are better than anything else in the world, EVEN chocolate." This was my final paragraph in my Meme-to-end-all-memes, and it sums everything up nicely, doesn't it?

The New Year meme

This is a little early, but whatever. I was in the mood to reflect. (I wish something like lj-cuts existed here...)

1) Was 2006 a good year for you?
I would say it was an experience. I became an RA during the early months, and trained during the spring quarter. I finally told someone that I was in love with him, and got my heart broken even further. But, I also healed, recovered, and moved on. I did my first internship during the summer, and lived away from home for the first time (not counting college. Like, I paid rent). I traveled for the first time without family, but with friends.
This past quarter was just… crazy. It started out with RA training, during which I made some fantastic new friends. This, however, resulted in my parting ways (of a sort) with another group of equally wonderful people. Not that I never stopped loving them; I just chose to stop communicating with them using the method they preferred (I still have AIM, guys…).
Being an RA was wonderful, but stressful. I really enjoyed it, though. However, I missed my old friends from first and second year, and I vow to spend more time with them next quarter.
So, yes. An experience.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
RA Training, and Aldersgate. That was pretty fun. My birthday was also pretty kick-ass. San Francisco was cool, too.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
The actual moment of truth. Oh, and opening the envelope and realizing I was an alternate. It worked out, though.
4) Where were you when 2006 began?
At home, with family, as usual. Nothing’s changed.
5) Who were you with?
My mom, dad, and Susie.
6) Where will you be when 2006 end?
Here at home. And no, that isn't always by choice. Sometimes, I'd much rather not be here. Like now.
7) Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
My mom and dad, for sure. Jane… maybe John? Susie’s in Korea.
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2006?
I don’t remember making any, actually.
9) Do you have a new year’s resolution for 2007?
Yes, a lot of them, actually. Be more healthy, be a better friend. Actually, they all revolve around those two themes.
10) Did you fall in love in 2006?
Um. This is complicated – I stayed in love with someone for a while, but then I got over it. I started crushing on someone, but then I got over it. Now I’m crushing on someone else… will I get over it in 2007? Or will something actually HAPPEN?
11) Did you breakup with anyone in 2006?
No.

[Don't ask me what happened to 12-15. I don't know either.]

16) Did you make any new friends in 2006?
Yes.
17) Who are your favorite new friends?
I don't choose favorites.
18) What was your favorite month of 2006?
August, I think. That was when RA Training began.
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2006?
Uh. Yeah, TJ. I think that’s it. XD
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2006?
Nevada…
21) Did you lose anyone close to you in 2006?
Not this year, thank goodness.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Still missed friends who went out of state. Definitely missed friends who moved off-campus.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2006?
I saw quite a few, actually.
24) What was your favorite song from 2006?
I hate these “favorite [blank]” questions.
25) What was your favorite album from 2006?
Nelly Furtado’s new one is amazing. So is Justin Timberlake’s and Christina Aguilera’s. I was introduced to Daft Punk, which is a lot of fun (mostly just in the car, though, when driving to get boba). Muse is awesome, too – Supermassive Black Hole!
26) How many concerts did you see in 2006?
SunGod (My Chemical Emo – err, Romance – and Talib Kweli); uh… I think that was it? I don't remember if I went to WinterFest or not... though I think that would have been 2005, actually.
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2006?
Nope!
28) Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2006?
Nope. Still not a drinker; so NOT sorry to disappoint.
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2006?
Yeah, I was on amoxicillin for a little while, but I’m off of it now. (That’s an antibiotic!)
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2006?
I don’t kiss and tell. XD
Really though, no one. Unless… do sleepovers count?
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Actually, no, I don’t think so. Woot!
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2006?
I hope no one’s lied to me. If they have, well… I’d like to know so I can go kick their asses. And then drop them as friends, ‘cause friends don’t lie to one another (and by this, I mean the big lies, like, "Hanna, we didn't really want you to hang out with us, but you invited yourself along so we put up with you,"not ,"Hanna, your ass looks huge in those jeans." I'd still like to know if my ass looks huge, but I won't kick yours for lying about mine.
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2006?
I don’t know. I hope not… leaving IRC doesn’t mean I’ve treated people badly, right??
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2006?
Ha, I liked my answer from last year. “SomeBODY? More like some PEOPLE.” Really, though. That is life.
36) How much money did you spend in 2006?
Shit. I don’t want to think about it.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2006?
Being a good intern, becoming an RA, and, most of all, telling the person I liked how much I cared, even though it wasn’t reciprocated. It just opened my eyes, I think, and once I face reality, I really face reality. I got over it pretty damn fast, considering how long I’d been mooning over him.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
Ha, telling him. And just looking back and seeing how much I made a fool of myself over someone who didn’t and wouldn’t ever care. But hell, that’s love – embarrassing, but good for you, especially if you can laugh at yourself. I’m PRO at laughing at myself by now.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
Hmm. There are moments when I could have stood up for myself more. But shit happens. Learn and move on.
40) What are your plans for 2007?
OMG. I did all my plans for 2006! That’s amazing!
Plans for 2007 – do another internship, possibly RA again. Um. Other stuff.

I..
[ ] broke a promise – Don’t think so. Phew!
[ ] made a new best friend - No bests, just all good friends.
[~] fallen in love – I stayed in love for a bit. I wouldn’t call crushing on someone “love.”
[X] fallen out of love – Hell’s fucking yes, I did! Whooo hooooooo! Dropped that baggage like CSE 3! (My first year. I’m taking it for real next quarter. Wish me luck.)
[X] done something you swore never to do – told someone I cared! Now I’ve re-sworn to never do it again. XD
[X] lied – White lies. For instance, when Mom asked me how my weekend was, I didn’t tell her that I was sick, or that I went to TJ, or whatever. Not lying, so much as not telling the whole story. XD
[X] stole – Accidentally took food from Foodworx :P
[X] went behind your parents back – To TJ.
[X] cried over a broken heart – AND MOVED ON, BABY!
[X] disappointed someone close - But I was disappointed, too.
[X] hidden a secret - And from people who I never imagined hiding things from.
[X] pretended to be happy - Ha. Story of my life, people. Mostly, when I'm acting unusually happy, I am. But sometimes... look underneath the underneath (Thank you, Kakashi-sensei!).
[ ] got arrested – Nope.
[ ] kissed in the rain - I want to, though. Sounds all romantic and gushy and stuff.
[ ] slept under the stars – Sounds cool, but also sounds really, really COLD.
[ ] kept your new years resolution – Never made any.
[ ] forgot your new years resolution – Never made any.
[X] met someone who changed your life – But for the good, I’ve realized.
[ ] met one of your idols – Still would like to.
[X] changed your outlook on life- I’ve become, if at all possible, more jaded and cynical. I still cover it up with bubbly laughter and big smiles ('cause that's what people seem to want, and when I give them anything less, they fucking freak out), though, and so far, I’m fooling almost everyone I know except those I am completely honest with and Stephi.
[X] sat home all day doing nothing - And LOVED it!
[X] pretended to be sick – I called in sick to work too many times.
[X] left the country – Yeah, TJ.
[ ] almost died – Hey, my allergies didn’t overreact this year! Yee-friggin’-HA!
[X] given up something important to you – Yes, and I’m better for it now, but I still like last year’s answer too – why am I always giving up and giving in? Why do I still try to get over? Why can I ever get?
[X] lost something that meant a lot to you – Shit, I’d forgotten about the earring. Lost my favorite necklace.
[X] learned something new about yourself – “I really don't like myself, and I've known this for a while, but this year it just came to a head.” <-- that was last year’s answer. This year – there are still things I don’t like about myself, but that’s fucking life. I’ve gotten over a lot of the negatives, and I did learn something new – that it is entirely possible for me to love being ME. My god, that was amazing.
[X] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it – Electronica? Thanks for Ladytron, Kevin and Taylor!
[X] made a change in your life – Fuck yes! Being an RA was incredibly changing.
[X] found out who your true friends were – Fadiya and KLo never gave up on me, even though I hardly saw them. Stephi stuck by my through EVERYTHING, just as always. Made a few new ones, too – let’s see how they hold up under pressure. XD (Love you guys!)
[X] made a total fool of yourself – Every day, I’m sure. I’m over it.
[X] met great people – HELLS YES! And my god, they’re wonderful people. Wow, I miss them!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Interned, traveled with friends, RA
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No resolutions, but am making them for 2007
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I know of. ._0
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, thankfully.
5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico. And I’m NOT going back (to TJ, anyway)
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2006?
More self-confidence, more self-love, and more really true friends. I doubt some of my friends, sometimes, and how much they care about me. I tend to care for them more than they do for me, I think. Sometimes that opinion changes, but for the most part, some of my friends like each other more than they do me. However, I know the ones that will never give me up, and for that I am extremely lucky and grateful.
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day I told him, the day I was told I would be an RA, my birthday (my god, the Batman mask >_<)… 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Interning, RAing
9. What was your biggest failure?
Caring too goddamn much about some people. But in all honesty, since when is caring a bad thing? Hm – let me revise that. Caring too goddamn much about people who don’t give a hoot for me in return. Oh, and for letting paranoia run away with me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Stupid fucking left ankle! Stupid fucking left wrist! Stupid fucking left hand! Stupid fucking left eye! My stupid fucking left side of my stupid fucking body is FUCKING STUPID! ARGH!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Shit. I don’t know.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Friends who put up with my whiny crap, and pushed me to do shit I’d never have done without them. Fadiya and KLo should be canonized for dealing with me.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Depressed - The dude, for breaking my heart. Appalled - The friends, for not realizing how much they hurt me some times. Appalled and depressed - Me, for taking what they don’t mean seriously, seriously.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, clothes, schoolbooks, more clothes, rent.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Interning, traveling along, being an RA. Wow, do I sound like a broken record or what?
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Huh. I don't know.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
::happier or sadder? ::
- [my GOD this thing is long] Happier with myself in some respects. Happier with myself than I’ve been in the past, anyway. Sad that I still put up with crap I don’t need to put up with, especially from friends, but I’m working on that. Not heartbroken anymore, so that’s a plus. Happier.
::thinner or fatter? ::
- Same, I think.
::Richer or poorer? ::
- Much poorer. Damn summer rent.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Faking cheer when I don’t mean it, which is worse than what I wrote last year (not being as cheerful as could be). Yes, I bring people down with me when I’m in a bad mood, but sometimes I just need to be in a goddamn bad mood. Sometimes I need to be fucking irritated. And sometimes, people just need to either deal with it or GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY. Trust me - if you don't want to go down with me, then LEAVE ME ALONE. I say this for your sake. If you want to help me out, then you can't say you haven't been warned.
And Mom, I know that my being a whiny bitch can get on your nerves, but guess what? You get on my fucking nerves, too. We're human - don't expect me to be your goddamn perfectly perky princess, 'cause that isn't my choice and it never FUCKING was. (Yes, I'm angry right now. No, I don't normally use "fuck" so often. Yes, sometimes, I just need to.)
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Slacking, whining, hiding my true feelings, spending money, putting up with crap.
20. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Fell OUT of love. Now I’m just crushing, which is infinitely more fun and less heart-breaking when I don’t know of its being reciprocated or not.
21. How many one-night stands?
None, but I doubt I would talk about it even if I had.
22. What was your favorite TV show?
I don't really watch TV, but I did enjoy America’s Next Top Model.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I talk to fewer people, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about them.
24. What was the best book you read?
Once again, I don’t pick favorite books. That’s just impossible.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hmph. Dunno. Rediscovered a lot of people.
26. What did you want and get?
Good relationships. An internship. The RA position.
27. What did you want and not get?
Family peace. World peace. Self-love. Etc. <-- what I wrote last year, and it still stands. I’ve worked on the self-love one, though.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Stupid favorites questions.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 20 this year – on Friday the 13^th, again. ^_^ Day of, I went out to eat with Stephi. The next day, I went out to lunch and shopping with KLo, Fadiya, and Chris. Later that night, I went out to dessert with some RAs, but I had no idea that was the plan (they hooded and blindfolded me, and made the night pretty crazy).
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More sleep.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
The same as always. I know what looks good on me, I know which trends not to try, and I still obsess over accessories.
32. What kept you sane?
Getting off-campus, talking to myself (out loud or in my head), journaling/blogging, and, most of all, GOOD FRIENDS. Oh, and in times of RA stress, boba. And, as always, chocolate and coffee. XD
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Mmph. Derek Jeter and George Clooney. Oh, and Jake Gyllenhaal is still amazingly good-looking. XD
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Iraq. Abortion, and women’s right to choose.
35. Who did you miss?
My far-off friends. My off-campus friends.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
No favorites/bests. Just some damn good people, and some damn people who have disappointed me.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson(s) you learned in 2006.
Getting over love is better than being in love (in my personal experience. Don’t fucking tell me otherwise, because I don’t care if it’s worked for you – I wouldn’t know. No offense or anything, but that’s just how it is). Loving myself is better than loving another person, and I need to work on that. I need to take some people less seriously, ‘cause they don’t mean to hurt me. Some people need to take me more seriously, because they’re hurting me in spite of their intentions. And finally, good friends are better than anything else in the world, EVEN chocolate.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Hmm. “I’m bringing sexy back!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (No, that laughter isn’t self-deprocating!)