The New Year meme, part 2

If you've already read my elephantine post found below, I apologize, for I am going to sum it up now in just a few short(er), and less angry, paragraphs.
2006, as a whole, was an experience. It was an experience in new adventures to be had and lessons to be learned. I've done a few things I'd never done before, gone through some trials I'd never faced before, and so forth.
Let's begin with the less complicated subject at hand. During the summer, I interned at KGTV-10, a newsstation based in San Diego. I learned quite a bit about how a local newsstation gathers its information and prioritizes its daily dosage of news - and I learned why I don't like the trivial, localized approach. This was a highly lucrative endeavour in that I finally got a first-hand look into the workings of my chosen career, and have modified my goals accordingly.
(My hands are so cold and stiff that typing is proving to be a real challenge.)
Now into the gritty stuff - namely, relationships, and how they've proved to be a real bitch and a real source of joy.
My relationship with my family has never failed to be a struggle. We've declined from years past; we've become resigned to a situation that had never had a chance to be truly loving and happy; we've improved in our understanding of one another. It's truly hard at times for me to be a Choe. I've tried explaining it to my friends - one sister is working at three different hospitals, the other is teaching English is Korea. I, as the youngest, have always had these standards to live up to, and I've never failed to come up short. My relationship with my mother has always, for me, been more challenging than any course I've ever been enrolled in, any test I've ever failed, because of my inevitable shortcomings. What I choose to do, what I do to distinguish myself, she cannot understand. She never understood how much work I put into KIWIN'S during high school, and the amazingly postive impact it had on a SHITLOAD of people - all she saw were my poor grades in my math and science classes. She doesn't see the effect I have as an RA - she only notes that I'm attending a good enough school (by her standards) and that my grades are staying up (not realizing how challenging it is to keep them up, what with the other responsibilities I've had). She cannot recognize that I'm trying to make a difference by being an able leader, since this is out of her power to grade and judge. In this aspect, I far outshine my siblings - since neither of them cared for this type of extracurriculars - and it has yet to bear any recognition from my mother.
"And Mom, I know that my being a whiny bitch can get on your nerves, but guess what? You get on my fucking nerves, too. We're human - don't expect me to be your goddamn perfectly perky princess, 'cause that isn't my choice and it never FUCKING was. (Yes, I'm angry right now. No, I don't normally use "fuck" so often. Yes, sometimes, I just need to.)" I wrote this last night, when I was filling out the epic meme below, and I was so angry with her. We can't communicate, my mother and I. Our language barrier is too tough of a divide, and I cannot wholeheartedly pursue the Korean language when there are other things I find more worthwhile of my time. So I won't be able to explain to her that being measured against my sisters, and constantly failing, is not my fault. It was never my choice to be judged by THEIR accomplishments. She does this actively, and out of her own will, and I can't ever win.
Now, I've stopped caring. I've accepted it. And I'll cherish what I do, and be recognized by those who realize my worth, and take true pleasure from that. And from my mother, I'll have undying love and support, and for that I'll be eternally grateful.
I don't fight with my father because we rarely have conversations. Once again, the language barrier. For this, I'm sorry. However, my future does not hold a world where my lacking proficiency in Korean will matter.
My relationships with my various groups of friends have changed greatly. I once placed one group of friends above others for my overall entertainment and amusement. I sought them because there, I felt at ease and myself.
And then the group expanded for their benefit, but not for mine. They found a large circle of friends with a common interest - nay, passion - that I didn't share, and it carried over into everything they did and said. And I was stuck outside.
I left. It was my decision, and I'm happier for it. I do still care for them, though, something I hope they understand.
And in leaving this circle, I returned to a smaller one, one I established in the years preceding #sdcolleges. I made two true, long-lasting friends during my first two years of school, and I neglected them shamefully during Fall quarter. I've poured my heart out to these girls, told them all my sorrows, all my secrets. They never once spoke to me in a language I couldn't understand; if anything, they understood and empathized with me better than any person save one, who I'll get to. Without Fadiya and KLo, I would have failed where I actually triumphed, and to them, I vow to be a better friend.
I like smaller groups of close friends. I adore larger social circles for social gatherings, but when I just need to be me in all of my unedited, uncut, not-rated glory, I only need a few true friends around me. And one who's never failed me, in all my times of stupidity, vapidity, and vanity - the only one who's made any impact on me whatsoever for the long haul - is one Stephi Graf. I've seen vast numbers of people go in and out of my life, and the one presence that will never change is Steph. I'm BLESSED to have that kind of luck in my relationships.
I've found my clique on the RA staff, but our relationship is still forming itself. It's funny - we RAs went through so much together in a very brief period of time, resulting in our unabashedly loving 19 near-strangers after just a month of working together. We had to, in order to be this cohesive of a force, but now that we've had time to come into our positions, we're all slowly making real friendships. Mine have been with 3 other RAs, though I still genuinely adore all of the other 19. What I have with the other 3, though, was at first a friendship of convenience. We're all on campus, we're all separated from our other friends, and we all like boba. :D We became more than co-workers through late-night boba runs, board game marathons, and dining out, and we've shared some great experiences. We're still working out the subtle nuances of our personalities, though. I'm not nearly as open with them as I am with Steph, or Fadiya and KLo (forever a duo in my mind). They don't catch on to the hints that would hit Steph like a load of bricks. They don't sense things in my manner that trigger alarms on the two's sensors.
I think that they're still learning that I DO have moods and emotions other than cheer and happiness. Maybe it's coming as a bit of a shock, but hopefully they'll still love me anyway.
I conquered my heart - I told the man I'd loved for 1.5 years that I cared about him, and got the answer I'd been expecting. I didn't cry, but I was even more desperately unhappy for a period of time. Then, I reflected - I came to a realization that I was still wasting precious time over someone who would never love me quite like I loved him. I faced reality, and I MOVED ON. My heart's forever changed by that experience, but my God - when I threw off that baggage, it was with a hurrah of unexpected depth and true enjoyment.
" Getting over love is better than being in love (in my personal experience. Don’t fucking tell me otherwise, because I don’t care if it’s worked for you – I wouldn’t know. No offense or anything, but that’s just how it is). Loving myself is better than loving another person, and I need to work on that. I need to take some people less seriously, ‘cause they don’t mean to hurt me. Some people need to take me more seriously, because they’re hurting me in spite of their intentions. And finally, good friends are better than anything else in the world, EVEN chocolate." This was my final paragraph in my Meme-to-end-all-memes, and it sums everything up nicely, doesn't it?