Hay Fever

I need to GET. THE. HELL. OUT! of San Diego. For a variety of reasons, mostly personal (it's not you, SD. It's me) I have been feeling too tied up and too tied down. I'm getting this overwhelming sensation of claustrophobia - the streets are too familiar, the people are too similar, and frankly, I'm bored. My job doesn't challenge me. My SCSC positions keep me busy, and for that I am incredibly thankful, but it's about the only excitement I have going for me at the moment. My classes haven't been as taxing as I thought they'd be - for all that midterms just passed (though I actually still have one coming up), I'm not nearly as stressed as I should be.

My best friend hides in her room, away from me.

[Note: I removed a portion of this post, after deciding that I'd rather have her hear my complaints from me in person - though who knows when we'll next talk. For all that we live with one another, we don't speak very often.]

My best college friends gad around town without inviting me along. My RA friends and I are friends no longer, since they're RAs and beyond contacting me for nights out. My SCSC compatriots and I aren't so much friends as we are friendly colleagues. My #sdcolleges friends don't talk to me, unless I step into their territory, a place where I feel distinctly and unpleasantly different.

I need to meet new people. I need to build new relationships. I need new scenery, I need to hit new streets. I need new friends, who won't freak out when I get sad or angry. The old friends are good, but I'm slowly beginning to realize that they aren't great. That I can't be in any type of relationship where I'm the emotional bolster, without any sort of support in return.

I'm so unhappy at the moment - unhappy with my surroundings (my apartment isn't close to feeling like home), unhappy with my city (I don't feel like I can call it mine), unhappy with my friends, unhappy with my job. It isn't as though I haven't tried - I've applied for different jobs, I've done a whole slew of extracurriculars in an effort to get involved and meet new people at the same time. I've toured SD fairly extensively, and I do enjoy the city. I just don't love it. It isn't large enough for me, anymore.

I need new. I need unknown. I need to throw myself into challenges, into my life's work. And mostly, I need OUT.

But for now, I'll settle for venting.

Nerfoops, anyone?

A few random but noteworthy tidbits:

1. I only recently learned how to justify-align my text using the paragraph tag, but it makes me extraordinarily happy. I hated how choppy my blog posts have always looked, but it bothers me no more!
2. I really want to change my banner for this blog. The strawberry daiquiri was really just for practice; it wasn't meant to last for this long. Unfortunately, I don't have Photoshop on my laptop (though I suppose I could use Paint...).

I think I had another, but it is now 2 hours after I first started this post. Stephi and I have taken to playing Scrabble in the evenings; tonight's round interrupted my blogging. Alas, my short-term memory doesn't recall the trivial nonsense I wanted to blather about.

Friends, you must visit me at my apartment, for I have decorated one of my bedroom walls with a Nerfoop. What is a Nerfoop, you ask? I'll tell you - it is a miniature basketball hoop, with a "basketball" the size of a softball, and it is now attached to my wall. It'll probably provide countless hours of frustrating entertainment, and I will challenge all visitors to a free-throw contest - the free-throw line located all of 5 feet from the hoop.

We can keep score on my mirrors. :D

A whirlwind of activity

Compared to the rest of my summer vacation (aside from vacationing and my week's worth of work), the past couple of weeks have been strangely active. Once Steph came back to SD for good, the two of us began making semi-regular trips over to Playmor - the most quality time I've spent with these guys and gals in almost a year.
Surprisingly enough, I've been having a blast. No offense, anyone, but I hadn't been expecting to feel so at-home.
But before I go any further, let's rewind to mid-August - a good place to begin my recap of summer vacation. After a long, dull dry spell, I spent a week as a G.E.M.M Camp mentor - Girls Empowered to Make Movies. I was in charge of 7 11-13 year-old girls, and I was expected to teach them the bare basics of film making; the week was to result in a 3-5 minute-length film on a topic of the group's choice.
At the end of the week, I was extremely thrilled with my group's work. They were the youngest, and most inexperienced of the bunch, and they produced a good short - directed, filmed, and edited entirely by them, as taught by me.
Needless to say, I was terribly proud of the group's efforts.
Going in to work at 8am, and getting back at around 5pm was quite possibly the most enjoyable experience of my summer vacation, outside of Korea. I'd been so restless and goddamned bored that it was a refreshing change of pace to work, even if it was only for a week.
Camp ran from Monday, August 13 to Friday, August 17th. That Friday, I left San Diego and drove up to Ventura, picking Stephi up along the way. We stayed with my sister and her boyfriend, and spent Saturday playing SLOSHBALL! On Sunday, we went to a real baseball game (I got to see the Dodgers live! And they won! Yay!), and then I returned to SD.
Um. The following week was fairly blah. I retreated into one of my rare reclusive periods, which I commented on in an earlier post. They don't strike very often, but when they do, I hole up in my little world and ignore society for a solid period of time - I think it lasted for a week, this time around.
At around the time I was ready to emerge from hiding, Stephi returned to SD for good. We celebrated that night by trooping over to Playmor for drinks and cards, and stayed there for a solid portion of the night. We also hosted an impromptu dinner and cards social at our apartment (which is getting steadily more furnished). I've also been in the process of planning my birthday extravaganza, which is taking the diplomatic coordination of nuke talks in North Korea. Seriously, I'm friends with extremely dramatic, explosive people, and coordinating all of that takes great caution and patience. It should be fucking amazing, though, so yay!
Speaking of birthdays, Sheenika's party was great fun. It ended with some epic conversations, and a lot of thought. You may or may not see the fruit of that combination in the near future.
Anyway, I'll probably expand upon that more in another post, at some other time. I got to sleep at 6am today, and woke up at 9am.
I'm fucking tired.

Extraordinary

"Extraordinary" by Liz Phair
---
So... despite my little to-do list, this entry has absolutely nothing to do with what my WIP.
Ha. I'm so lazy, I no longer want to write about what I wanted to write about.
Speaking of lazy, however, I mostly just wanted to rant about how quickly August flew by, and how little time I have left in my undergraduate career.
I really wish I'd taken summer classes; since I didn't this year, I may have to next summer, just to complete my minor (which I have every intention of doing). I should have taken classes during Session II, though - I've done so little this summer, it bores me to think about it. I had plenty of time that I wasted idly. Including the GEMM camp, I've worked approximately 50 hours all summer long.
(Yes, those 50 hours were all for the camp. Yes, this is me being snarky. But hey, it's all at my expense.)
I've spent so much goddamned money and time doing absolutely goddamned nothing. I really need to get a goddamned job.
Anyway. Contrary to popular belief, I am not being evasive - I'm being reclusive. There's a difference, really.
Every now and then, even the most social of butterflies wants to retreat from society and hole up in her room with a couple of good books, some manga, maybe a movie - and no people. It's just one of those times.
This butterfly means no offense; she just wants her alone-time. :D
I'm effing bored, but at the moment, I don't really want to see people. Yes, I'm a bundle of contradictions. Isn't that being human?