Change

Right now, I've either got to see some positive changes taking effect, or I've got to throw everything to hell and stop caring.
I sincerely hope it's the former, but if it comes down to the second option, then so be it. One way or another, I cannot have such negative, draining influences in my life and stay sane (relatively speaking). Things are going to change, no matter what.
I'll do whatever I can to try and fix this, but I can only do so much before I'm forced to give up entirely for the sake of my sanity. And I'm going to go nuts a helluva lot faster if I don't see any reciprocated action.
I think we're all trying, but I could be wrong. I'm trying. I'm trying to have conversations, I'm trying to honestly speak my mind. I'm honestly fine with having more uncomfortable discussions about feelings and emotions if it'll lead to a stronger, better foundation. Rome wasn't built in a day, after all.
I won't be neutral, either. I'm not going to play Geneva, here. I have way too much invested in this to remain above and distanced from all of this. I care too much about the people, and I care too much about my own feelings to play mediator, and I don't think that was understood from the beginning. How can I be neutral when this whole thing revolves around my friendships? How is that possible of anyone? I don't want to neglect any relationships, and if that means that I lose my neutrality, then fine. I never wanted that kind of status in the first place. And after all, that was part of how this all started - neglect of attention, neglect of honesty. So why anyone would think that I'm trying to remain the third party here is absolutely incomprehensible. Honestly, how does that appeal to ANYONE'S sense of logic?
Anyway. This situation is affecting everything in my life right now, and none of the effects are positive. It's hindering my performance at my job and as an RA, it's corroding my relationships with all of my different groups of friends. I can't have that in my life.

New blog

So that new blog I started just isn't working for me. I don't like the layout, I don't like the limited options. Why I care so much is beyond me, since this blog doesn't really serve for anyone's purpose besides my own.
Well actually, that is why I care so much. This is where I post the thoughts that I deem safe for public knowledge, and I want it to look pretty, goddamnit.
So I apologize to whoever it is that has to change my feed on p.n.n again. I swear I'll make up my mind one of these days.
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Anyway. I realize that my title and url are very mysterious/emo/depressing/whatever relatively unpleasant adjective you wish to insert here. So, to explain: I lie, frequently and easily. Have I lied to you? Probably. Are you my friend? Then definitely.
Sorry.
Mind you, these aren't life-altering, dream-shattering nuggets (thank you, Professor Granger, a.k.a Crazy) of despair and wickedry. I'd call them white lies. Quite possibly even pink lies, since mine tend to be friendly and used for social purposes. But they are, nonetheless, lies. Fibs. Falsehoods. Whatever.
So there you are. Still want to keep reading? 'Cause this might possibly be the only "place" where I will be truly honest. Sure, I'll pick and choose what it is I say, but at least it'll be the truth.
I promise.